Mental meanderings

Bountiful blessings

2008-02-20T06:28:00.002-05:00

Why I always wait until I have what seems like a dissertation for an update I will never understand.

This is your clue to go potty first, its a long one.

My last day at the KSP was 1/31. I miss them. They had a lunch for me, with fried chicken and green beans and mac and cheese, and chocolate cake. Then they gave me a $25 gift card. I miss them. I don't miss the job, but I love the people I worked with there.

I picked the 31st because that was when I had my W-2's assembled last year. That was last year. This year was a bit different. I spent the next few days sweating it out. The last weekend in Ky wasn't much fun, as I was sussposed to be out of the aprtment by the 5th of Feb. Come Monday, I was packing everything up and had decided to take what money I had and leaving anyway. My stuff was being stored in Michael's garage. I had the car packed with all of our clothes, and as I was finishing up, the mailman dropped off my w-2. That was blessing #1.

Alex and I got in the car and left Ky. The car ran great, we were in wonderful moods, and about the time I hit the Pensacola city limits, I was pulled over. The deputy said it was because my license plate light wasn't on, but when I looked later, it was working fine. I figure it was because it was 1 a.m. and I had out-of-state tags, but whatever. When I told him where I worked, he didn't write me a ticket for something that wasn't wrong with my car, so that was blessing #2.

We spent the 1st night with my friend Jane. She and I have been through a lot together so that was blessing #3. I got up the next morning, found a Jackson-Hewitt, and filed my taxes. I had my fat check the next day, and could begin searching for a new home and stuff. That was blessing #4.

The 3rd day, my car crapped out. However, I was allowed to use Von's car (my bf) and Paul would be there with my stuff in 2 days and he could fix the car. That was #s 5 and 6.

I found a small trailer to rent the day I began looking. Nothing fancy, old but clean and in good repair, in the school district I wanted Alex in, with landlords that didn't ask a lot of questions about my credit (since I have none, this is a good thing). I guess having cash still counts. That was #7. I began spending a small fortune getting everything turned on, and we spent Friday night on air matresses here.

Saturday morning, poor old Paul arrived with his dog and my stuff. He was so very tired, so Von and Alex unloaded the truck (took the He-men all of 2 hours). I set up a room for Paul and sent him and said mutt to bed. #8 was his safe journey. I worry about Paul.

By Sunday night, I had everything put away, and Paul had begun began working on my car. There were a few complications, but the work was done by Monday night and I was on the road again. #9! Paul stayed an extra day because the weather going north had turned dicey, and it gave him and extra day with Alex, too.

Weeks before I left Ky., I began putting in job applications in various places online. 2 days after we got here (Wednesday) my friend Tammie called to say Sacred Heart (a large hospital here) had called and wanted me to come in for an interview, which went very well. I ended up with my choice of two positions, at a better rate of pay than I made at the KSP. Blessing #10.

Monday I went to the county health department here to get Alex's shot records transferred to a Florida form in preperation for his entry into a FL school. While there, I found that a doctor would see him for FREE for the school physical the next morning. This is another requirement for entry into a FL school. #11!!!!!!

Wednesday we went and got him registered at his new school. They were very kind and helpful. Alex's first day was last Thursday, and while he said it was confusing because there are twice as many kids there and its mostly on one floor so its strung out, he seems to like it. It is 8 minuyes from here in heavy morning traffic, and until he settles a bit more, I am taking him and picking him up. He's the new kid, he's a big guy, and he's from Kentucky. Fair or not, that makes him a target for teasing, and I wanted to lessen the harshness of changing schools in the middle of his sophmore year any way that I could. So far, so good. Blessing #12.

I am happy. I am content. My bp is down. I have a good job that doesn't make me sit still at a desk all day which for me, was a chore( Alex gets his bounciness from me). I have a bf that treats me with kindness, respect, and consideration. My son is safer, and we're judged on what we are and not what his other family members have done. My car is not only running, but at 14 years old and with 175k miles on it, its getting 30 mpg. We have plenty to eat, the beach is 15 minutes away, and a support system in place that feels sort of like a hug does. It is snowing in Ky right now and its going to be nearly 70 here today.

Yeah. My blessings are bountiful. Thank you, God. And I pray that you show me the way to put your blessings to your use.

Remember me?

2008-01-14T17:40:00.001-05:00

As usual, a lot has happened :)

The pic on my profile is of me and Alex, taken at a church in Texas a few years ago. It is the one pic of me that doesn't make me do that lemon-sucking face. He's grown since then, too.

In my last post, I stated that I was moving. I still am. I am presently waiting on my w-2 so I can finance the move back to Pensacola. I already gave notice at my job and to my landlord. I am stoked. I made this decision months ago and it has been a tremendous chore to be patient. Yes, Alex is going, and yes, he is happy about it, too. I wouldn't be doing this if he wasn't okay with it.

Johnny has blessedly stayed gone. He has tried to speak to me on several occasions and was stopped cold. I'm done. Nuff said.

I took Cooper to a no-kill shelter here called Lifehouse. They found a wonderful home for him before he was even formally put up for adoption. A retired lady who is home a lot who wanted a constant companion/lap dog. Perfect. This makes finding housing MUCH easier. It also cuts my gasoline costs in half because I don't have to run home at lunch to let him out. I did that for 3 years.

I have a new boyfriend. He's actually a recycled boyfriend. We were involved when I lived in P-cola before. His name is Vonche. When I decided to make this move, I made a list of people I knew down there before, and proceeded to look them all up. He was on this list. I found him on Myspace, sent him a message, and it went from there. He drove all the way up here for Thanksgiving, and again a week later. He spoils me madly, and sends me flowers at work at least every other week. Today, I got a custom calender in the mail. It isn't just the presents, either. I have learned to value being able to TALK to someone without adjusting what I say. I have spent hundreds of hours on the phone with this guy and he never bores me. He doesn't try and control what I do or say or who I talk to. He doesn't even smoke cigarettes, and he doesn't need any 12 step programs because he has no substance abuse issues. He is smart and funny and generous, and Alex likes him quite a lot. For Christmas, he treated Alex and me to a 4-day vacation in Pensacola. All we had to do was show up, and he took care of everythng else. It was awesome. You'll be hearing more about Von, I'm sure.

Alex is great. The day we left for Pensacola, was his 16th birthday, so before we hit the highway, we went downtown and he got his permit (passed it on the first try, Tooz!). He's doing VERY well, which is saying something because both his father and I drive 5-speeds. I wish I had a pic of him cheesing when we were on the BG Pwy. Can you imagine what it was like being Alex that day? His 16th, he was in a car doing 70, on his way to the beach? He is awesome, and such a blessing.

His brothers? Not talked to Michael since September, PJ in 3 weeks. I wish it were different, but I didn't make it that way. They are grown. I love them. I'd prefer to see my grandaughters more often. But where they are concerned, I know in my heart I have done everything I can do, and probably stuff I shouldn't have, and it is up to them now. I still, however, worry. And pray a LOT.

I hope this finds all of you doing well, and equally blessed. Congrats to the Brown family, and to Granny Tooz. For whatever it is worth, I found having PJ easier than Michael because I knew what I was doing. And, they are/were so vastly different that it didn't feel like one was taking away from the other. Every child has different needs and wants, so you get good at being able to instantly change roles from Child A's mom to Child B's mom. Michael loved spinach. PJ would rather back off of a cliff blind-folded before he ate that pond moss. But that's just my take on it :)

Long time, no see

2007-10-14T06:25:00.000-05:00

It seems like all the events in my life are interconnected somehow. That's why I use so many run-on sentences and why my posts are rather wordy. This will be no exception.

I am moving. Again. And again, I am moving back to Pensacola. Rather, Alex and I are moving back to Pensacola. We plan on being out of here about the first week of February, the second I have my tax refund in hand.

Now for some truth.....

I don't like my job. I've tried for the last 18 months of my life to convince myself I did, but it bores the snot out of me. I do not want to spend the next 20 years of my life doing this. For a while, it was good. I could heal in many ways, and I did heal. Its just....well, if you know me at all, you'll know that God probably didn't mean for someone like me to sit in a corner at a terminal all day. This job allowed me to do damage control to a degree (cops stopped bugging Alex when I started working there). I have many good memories, and I learned a lot. I just don't want to do this anymore. I am gregarious, and I need to be around people now.

I don't have a bf. It was so very toxic. I'm tired of drama, especially drama that could be avoided. He's a 'recovering alcoholic'. No he isn't. He's addicted to pot and Lortabs. He's not drinking because he's moved on to other substances. I saw something go down in my driveway, with my middle child, while my youngest and I watched. He promised never again. He said he'd go to therapy. Never happened. At this point, I have a intense disdain for him. Haven't seen him in weeks, don't miss him, and don't plan to.

My oldest two? I live in the same town as they do. Never see them. Never see the girls, either. My youngest? As before, Alex will never have a level playing field here no matter where I work. Their father lives in the same town and goes weeks at a time without seeing Alex. Alex never wanted to come back here. Nor did I. We just didn't have a choice at the time.

I have prayed about this. I have prayed for guidance. And Alex and I, together, decided that we want out. I have been in contact with my peeps in P-cola, and I have a job-same one I had before down there, but now it pays a lot more (it seems Hurricanes Ivan and Katrina were both a blessing and a curse). Rental housing rates are finally dropping and in a big way. I can't stand cold weather, and count scraping car windows as being among my top 10 pet peeves.

The worst part of this is being made to wait for 3 months to leave. I would get up, put my Crocs and, and leave right NOW if I could. I was healthier there inside and out. I wasn't forced to watch my oldest two flush their lives down the crapper. I can't save everyone, and it isn't my job to, anyway. That is between them and Jesus. The only people I owe anything to are Julie and Alex.

After that, I am okay. Dealing with Michael and PJ makes my blood pressure skyrocket. I'm on a med now called Diovan HCT. Its a different type of bp med, and it includes a diuretic. The first 10 days were rough, as this stuff made me very sleepy and makes ya tinkle a LOT. I had been on lisinopril for months, and it, frankly, sucked. It was like having the flu for months, and eventually, it didn't stop the bp flucuations. Now, I'm okay. No bp spikes in over a week. Oddly, I decided just over a week ago that we were going back south. I have been walking a few miles every day, too. I've been at a desk for nearly 2 years now and I'm trying to get used to being on my feet again. I can say now that I am every bit as tired now at the end of the day as when I worked at McD's. My doctor says if I lost some weight, my bp would likely do down, making the meds unneeded. That's a goal I intend to meet.

Alex is fine. His grades are good. He just amazes me. With what I have been through with his brothers, I feel so blessed to have him as my child. Even when he washes his black jeans with my pink shirts.

Well, there ya go. I'm getting ready to go for my morning walk and then to church. I hope this finds everyone happy and blessed!

Big honkin' update part 2

2007-07-26T18:13:00.000-05:00

I have moved. I am typing from the kitchen of my new apartment. Everything is moved, and put away, except for 3 wall pictures. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am about this. I have an end unit townhouse. It's sort of scruffy-looking outside, but the inside is clean and in good repair. There are two bedrooms 1.5 baths (half bath downstairs), a patio and a balcony. And a dishwasher, and no yardwork. I walk into my home, shut the door, and I only have to worry about what is inside that door. I'm saving about $400 a month by living here. I only have neighbors on one side, and they seem pretty quiet and respectful. I am finally living in a place somebody I was married to or their family member does not own. THAT is very empowering.

Michael and Jessica have moved into my old house. I wish them well in that. It isn't a bad little house, but it is in need of major repairs, and it feels more like a screened-in porch in the winter. However, it is safe. They are both working now, so they should be able to scrape by.

PJ is okay. He disappointed me, because he never lifted a finger to help me move. He did, however, call me about a computer as I was driving down Georgetown Road with my car packed full of my belongings.

Alex is great. Cooper is going to live with a friend of mine in Indiana, and the cats stayed at the house. All he has to deal with now is fish, and he seems okay with that. No litter boxes, no letting the dog out in the pouring rain, and no hand-washing of dishes. His room here is a lot bigger, too.

I am fine. I'm still a chafed emotionally from 'the break-up', but it is still the right thing to do. My health is okay. I feel much better getting out of that house. The financial strain was making me nuts, and there were too many Johnny imprints there. This place is all mine. I don't need help from anyone to keep it. Today, I splurged and bought vertical blinds for the sliding glass doors in my bedroom, and some of that 'faux' stained glass contact paper for the 3 little windows next to the front door. It helps to do this because it helps me to remain focused on-and I cringe at the clicheness of this-recovering from a toxic relationship. Addy's crib is in a corner of the livingroom, and she makes me smile every time I see her. I have many, many blessings. Still, I have pangs of great sadness. That's an improvement over the waves of desolation I was feeling a few weeks ago. This place is rather like the pouch on a kangaroo. I duck in here and I feel secure. I look forward to the financial recovery, so that I can do stuff. If I play my cards right, Alex and I can sneak off to Florida on his fall break.

I'm rambling, so I'll go do something productive. I hope all is well with everyone. I'll leave you with this thought: I've been through a LOT, and eventually, I come out swinging. However, I've never really seen myself as a strong woman, because I'm not a strong woman. I am a woman who is an example of the strength of God in her life, and what He can carry you through. I certainly didn't survive on my own.

/update

2007-07-08T18:43:00.000-05:00

Big honkin' update

Okay, blogger is being stupid. For some reason, it won't allow me to type in a title for the post.

Moving right along, lots has happened. Some good, some not so good, but He has a purpose. My oldest son, Michael and his wife have been dealing with her bi-polar disorder/depression. This is not being helped by Jessica's propensity to skip a dose here and there. This whole situation is frightening to me because it affects Addy. Some weeks ago, Jessica had a breakdown. She took off in her car (alone, thank you, Jesus). They arrested her in Letcher county (Whitesburg) several hours later, just wandering down the road after dark. She knows noone in the area. They arrested her for public intoxication of a controlled substance excluding alcohol. It seems she was screwing around with her meds. She spent several days in jail, got out, and was checked into a mental ward in Morehead. She was in the hospital for 5 days. She is now back in Frankfort, working part-time. Michael is working full time at a factory here. I pick Addy up after work, take her home, and take care of her until her father comes to fetch her. I have a lot of opinions and concerns, and it would take too long to go through them all here.

Johnny, my most-of-the-last-2.5-years boyfriend, is gone. If you want to know, you'll just have to ask, because there were so many reasons this needed to end that again, I'm not sure where to begin. I love him very much. I will bare my soul and tell you that it has been very painful. I can also tell you it was very neccesary. Johnny abuses substances. Johnny is stuck in this rut and I can't be the one to pull him out. My heart hurts, but I MUST always make sure that I do the right things for Alex. I miss him. But I missed him before he was gone.

My health isn't bad, meaning I'm not near death nor is there no room for improvement. I've taken a beating of sorts in the last few weeks, but my bp hasn't fluctuated too wildly. Not much to talk about there.

I am moving. I like my little house, but my little house is owned by my ex-MIL. This bugs me. I have a very good relationship with Paul and his mom, obviously. But I am weary of somebody named Vickers being responsible for the roof over my head. Add to this that it costs me right at $1k a month rent and utilities to live here. The yard, the extra bedroom, and the garage are nice things to have, but I do not NEED these things and I rarely use them. I also dislike yardwork. I don't enjoy working in dirt. I don't disrespect those that do. I just don't like it for myself. So...I have found an townhouse on this side of town to rent. It is an end unit with the half bath downstairs, a patio and a balcony, and no yard work. I am stoked about this. It is a major struggle to pay the bills here, and I look forward to more wiggle room financially.

Alex, btw, is fine. He's had a decent summer. He's a tremendous blessing.

Addy is beautiful. She laughs out loud now, and smiles a lot. She eats veggies or fruits, mixed with a bit of rice cereal now 3 times a day along with her bottles. She can turn over all by herself, and prefers to sleep this way which drives me nuts because I'm paranoid about SIDS. She doesn't like to recline. She prefers to sit up, and is nearing the ability to hold that position all by herself. She doesn't spit up nearly as much as she used to, and I'm thinking that gravity is working in her favor. She dislikes socks because she likes to chew on her feet. She has 2 teeth (one up, one down) and 3 more coming in. All I can say for sure is she went from nearly being diagnosed as 'failure to thrive' 2 months ago to eating solids and being happy and alert and healthy and very well cared for. Thanks to Tooz and co. for the clothes. She really needed them.

Jaden is adorable. Thanks to Tooz and co. for the clothes there, too. She is closing in on being potty-trained already. She's mischevious, and smart, and decisive. And she makes me laugh.

I think that covers most. Prayers are asked for here. I think the worst of a few painful changes have past, but it ain't over yet :)

The J list

2007-05-30T14:50:00.001-05:00

A lot has happened. Some good, some bad. Because I am a garden slug these days, I'm just going to make a list.

1. We have two new kittens, a brother and sister pair. Their names are Charlotte (after the spider, because she scaled the back of loveseat at 5 weeks) and Tucker, because he's very mellow and sleeps a lot and always seems tuckered out. We were going to name them Strada and Various, but we changed our minds.

2. My health is holding. Not great, but no worse. I'm still struggling with the bp meds. I hate the way they make me feel, and I hate being on any medication.

3. I got to keep my newest grandbaby last weekend, all weekend. I loved keeping her. I also loved it when she went home. She really is about the sweetest-natured baby I've ever seen. Jaden was a screamer. Addy is much calmer, very alert now, smiles a lot, eats well, and isn't fussy as a rule. That is NOT to say she still wasn't a lot of hard work. I'm sure I'm going to heaven now, because I raised her father and her uncle at nearly the same time-and after last weekend, I do NOT know how I did it.

4. PJ brought Jaden over when Addy was here. Jaden looked at the baby like she was an interloper, and how dare she occupy her Mimi's lap. Then PJ left Jaden for a few hours, so I was here alone with both girls. I slept VERY well that night.

5. Somebody stole my debit card. They managed to nail it for $108 at a freakin' Speedway station. At that point, my bank froze my account. That was nice of them, but it means everything is going to come back cold until this mess is straightened out. It is all highly annoying. I plan on writing checks a lot more often now, even after I get my new card.

6. Alex is almost done with his freshman year. Tooz, do you remember the bouncy little tow-headed love bug you taught? He's still bouncy. But when he bounces, it shakes the entire house now. He's a big old honkin' meaty guy.

7. I am hoping I found a home for Cooper. A friend of mine is willing to take him in July, once he moves into a new place. Nothing is wrong with the dog. Its just that Alex is beyond the boy and his dog stage, and I'm weary of being tied to this house. Alex is agreeable to this. He'll be going to a single guy that doesn't have tiny kids. He's recently divorced, needs the company, and his mom is a dog groomer.

8. Michael and Jessica want to move to Frankfort. I have very mixed feelings about it. Jessica is having a hard time with post-partum depression, and doesn't have much of a support system in place. I can help, but its proving very difficult when they are in Mt. Sterling.

9. The coffee is done. And so am I *grin*

meme gakked from Jenn

2007-05-13T05:01:00.000-05:00

A- Available or Single: Available, sort of indecided still

B- Best Friend: Jesus!

C- Cake or Pie: Derby pie. Think rich, gooey pecan pie with chocolate chips. Nummy.

D- Drink of Choice: I like flavored seltzers

E- Essential Items: my keycase and a cellphone. I use a keycase-its a miniwallet that holds my debit card, my dl, Alex and my SS cards, and all my keys. I don't like shopping with a handbag. I can do without almost everything else in my purse.

F- Favorite Color: Purple. Hands down. I wear, drive, and sleep on it. Even my toothbrush is purple.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms: Doesn't matter as long as they're the really sour kind

H- Hometown: Dayton, Ohio, but I moved here initially in 1979

I- Indulgence: Jaden. And Aigner handbags.

J- January or February: February. January seems barren.

K- Kids: They're delish bbq'd with hot sauce? Just joshin'. I have 3 sons and 2 granddaughters

L-My life would be incomplete without everything and everyone I've ever known, because they shaped who I've become, and I like her quite a lot

M- Marriage Date: My first reaction was to laugh hysterically. Instead, I'll just break it down to March 19, April 20, and January 5.

N- Number of siblings: I am 'all of the above'. I am the oldest child of my father's, the youngest of my mother's, I am the only child of my mother and father, of all my half-siblings I am in the middle, and I am a stepchild. I have one older half-brother, and one of each type younger than me.

O- Oranges or Apples: I prefer oranges. Apples can be of a gritty texture and I'm not real fond of that.

P- Phobias/Fears: Snakes, swimming in fresh or salt water, needles, and being dependent on anyone.

Q- Favorite Quote: From the movie Auntie Mame with Rosalind Russell: "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death-LIVE!!!!! LIVE!!!!!"

R- Reasons to smile: Michael, PJ, Alexander, Jaden, and Adrienne (ain't it cool? THIS list keeps getting longer and longer!)

S-Season: Anything but winter. I dislike cold. A lot.

T- Tag Three: I respectfully decline because I don't really know that many peeps on Blogger

U- Unknown Fact About Me: When I was 3, I was forced to go to ballet. During my first recital, it was storming badly. It was my turn, and after one particularly loud crack of thunder, I simply looked skyward and proclaimed that was God rolling his tater wagon. That sort of set the stage for how I've always been.

V– Vegetarian or oppressor of animals: All of the above, except for fish. Love seafood. Won't eat most anything that used to have gills.

W- Worst Habits: Mothering everyone and everything I come in contact with

X– X-rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasounds. They allowed me peeks at my boys and the girls, too.

Y- Your Favorite Foods:Steak medium rare, hot and sour soup, anything from Popeye's, crawfish etoufee, and almost anything really spicy

Z- Zodiac: I'm a Cancer, the only disease of the zodiac. And I'm like 'they' say Cancers are dead on, because Cancers are emotional homebodies, and we'll clamp a claw down on ya with a quickness if you mess with our nest.

Wash, rinse, repeat

2007-05-13T04:07:00.000-05:00

It's been an interesting week. I got sick. Again. My blood pressure. Again. I went to the dr. Tuesday, and my bp was 170/115. This, gentle readers, is way bad. So, I caved and began taking a bp med called lisinopril. This stuff is evil. The first day, I laid in bed. All day. Because that's all I had the energy to do. It made me nauseous, and it made my bp go to 90/62. This is too low. We tried halving it. I was still tired and ended up throwing up, even 24 hours after the last dose. This was on only 2.5 mg of this stuff. I can't tolerate this medication. So, I didn''t take it yesterday. My bp never got over 120/90. This isn't the best, but better, and better than being on a medication that made me feel worse. I went for a 20 minute brisk walk yesterday. The only 'bad' food I comsumed was a single cup of coffee, and 14 potato chips (this was what the maker said was a serving). I only smoked 10 cigarettes. Except for feeling a BIT tired, I felt fine all day. I'm going to closely monitor my bp today, too.

I am not anti-medication. But placing me on a medication for the rest of my life before I have a chance to give The Lord and me a chance to fix this, and the medication making me feel 20 times worse? I can't wrap my mind around that. I had a nice long discussion with my father about this. It seems he had a very similar thing happen to him. He spent a year trying this medication or that. All of them had what was to him an intolerable side effect. His answer was to internalize the GIGO principal. If you put garbage IN your body, then eventually, you're going to get garbage OUT of it. Ergo, if you only put good stuff in your body, eventually, you should get good stuff out of it. He stopped drinking coffee. He stopped smoking in his 20's. He began jogging and lost 25 pounds. He takes fish oil capsules, b12, a multivitamin, and drinks lots of cold and hot green tea. He eats healthy, or as healthy as he can and travel like he does. He jogs 50 miles a month. And his bp went from 210/120 (I kid you not) to 126/76. That was 10 years ago. It seems to me the key to getting beyond this is to change my life, not my medication. And that's what I plan on doing. I spent the last two weeks more or less feeling like crap and being terrified and hypervigilant about my bp. It isn't worth sitting here. Walking 20-30 minutes at a fast clip isn't nearly as bad as praying that you wake up. Smoking? When they tell you that quitting smoking is as hard as quitting herion, they are telling the truth. Today, my goal is simply to only smoke 9 cigarettes, no smoking in the car, and no smoking in the house. If I can keep my bp under 139/89, I've accomplished a lot. And, if I can keep lowering it with lifestyle changes, I become healthier overall, and that really should be the goal anyway.

I also got a call from my boss at the KSP. She really went to bat with Captain Colon....I mean our Lt. and I go back to work Tuesday. I've been doing a lot of asking when I pray lately. I want to be thankful today, and she has been an incredible blessing. So, I missed two weeks of work, got right with my lord and my body, got the dog bathed and the breezeway cleaned out...so, I'm going to just call this a 2-week religious retreat. A very productive one.

Today is Mother's Day. What I want to do today is cook a meal I want to eat in a manner in which my new limits allow me to eat it. Steak, baked potato, and a baby spinach salad with purple onions and apple dices. Mmmmmm....I have deleted most prepared foods from my diet. I have increased 5-fold my consumption of raw fruits and veggies. It is an attempt to increase my intake of potassium, calcium, and magnesium. So far, so good. The only problem now is I have developed a rabid dislike of bananas. I have to eat two a day. I loved 'em 2 weeks ago. I'm getting ready to go eat one right now and I just hate it. I'm not terribly mature sometimes, eh?

I'm not sure what the day will hold for me. I know I got 2 massive Boston ferns to hang from my front porch. It looks lots more spiffy. Johnny has tilled up my mater patch and bought me beefsteak mater plants. He bought more than last year because this year, he said he wanted to see at least a few of them ripen. I wish him luck in that. I love green tomatos. And they don't even have to be fried. I love the tartness, even steamed.

Time to get ready for my morning walk. Regardless of presents, or if your house is tidy, or anything else, if you know your kid(s) are okay, on this Mothers Day, get down on your knees and thank God for that. I think of people like Kela and Susan N and as trying as times have been for me as a mother, I'm not sure I could ever recover from what they've been through.

/morbidity :)

God bless you all,
Julie

Take a deep breath, and dive in

2007-05-07T06:32:00.000-05:00

It's been an interesting few weeks. I've been chronically ill for weeks now with an ear infection (I feel for Cora). The ear infection makes me dizzy. The Antivert helps, but isn't good for my blood pressure. So, for the last near week, I've been forced to sit. Here. Or lie down. I wasn't supposed to drive, either. Yes, I broke that rule. The only treatment that seems to have worked is to make me sit still, allow some powerful antibiotics to work, and let my body heal. My blood pressure has been stable for 5 whole days now. No dizziness since Thursday. No fever since Friday. I feel well.

A few people see me as a strong woman. As a general rule, I am. This, however, has had me terrified. I've had to depend on others for a while. I dislike that. I mean I *really* dislike that. It scared me more than anyone knows to not be able to handle my own business by myself, or to be ill with people depending on me. My job could still be on the line. I won't know about that until tomorrow. So, I prayed. I spent the better part of the last week in bed with a Bible, learning and praying. I waded through a lot of emotional litter that seemed to have piled up. If I took the Antivert, I'd be able to work, but it meddled with my bp, and Alex already has ONE parent with a defib in his chest to keep the stents company. The message I seemed to get getting was, and this may sound silly, "You are important to me. Be important to yourself". The Lord has been standing there all this time waiting in me to believe in Him. I've always believed in Him. What I mean is to be able to trust Him to carry me through this. So, I called my boss, and told her the truth. All of it. This was last Thursday. And she said she wasn't in any hurry to fill my spot. Have you ever been able to feel Jesus's voice? I have. I remember the sound, and the feeling. And it felt like Jesus was saying "rest, my child". So I did. My body needed for me not to just slow down, but to stop for a few days, so the meds could help me heal. No grandbaby visits. No house-cleaning. No 8k keystokes an hour. Just resting and praying. I should be released to go back to work Wednesday. If they have not filled my spot then I go back to work for the KSP. If not, then, well, that won't be my first choice, but if I can work at McD's, I can work anywhere. I can't be any good to anyone if I am ill. I don't know exactly what will happen next, but God didn't bring me this far to drop me over a cliff. All he requires is that I believe in Him, and have faith in his plan for me.

Yanno, it has occured to me that a lot of people pray for God's light in the lives of others. I prayed this weekend myself for others, like my kids and their kids, the people in Kansas who are homeless or are burying those who went to be with the Lord in the tornado. This is all wonderful. But sometimes, people forget that its okay to ask of God for yourself. I've rarely done that. I'm going to be doing it a lot more often now. To do anything else is like saying that I don't need Him in MY life, and that I look at him as an assistant of sorts in the lives of those close to me. So, Jesus is now running the show. As healthy as I feel, he's doing a fine job of it, too :)

I'm a dizzy redhead

2007-04-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sick. It has been a rough few days for me. Last Thursday, while I was sitting at my desk at work, I suddenly became very dizzy. I got up and walked around for a bit, and felt fine. Then it happened again. This scared the dickens out of me.

I called Johnny, and he came and got me. We ended up at my family doctor. My blood pressure was sky high, and that seemed to freak my doctor out. Nobody ever said a word during that visit about my slight fever. They should have. I was diagnosed as hypertensive, and sent home wuth orders to quit smoking, no more salt, etc. which I followed. During this whole time, I felt crummy-just this non-descript yucky sickly feeling. I went to work Monday, and all day long, I'd have these dizzy spells. It's quite frightening when you feel like you're about to be laid out flat in the floor! I came home, and felt so so so tired. I went to work yesterday, and it just got worse. The only thing that seemed to help was to get up and walk around. I can't type and walk, and all the walking was wearing me out. Around lunchtime, I decided to give it up, and drove myself to the ER here. They tried to make me sit down out in the waiting room, and excuse me for being that B word, but I was having none of it. I read a handout from the American Heart Association that said if you are having heart attack symptoms, be aggressive in seeking medical care. Because I brought myself there, they were not treating me seriously. I finally had to ask the woman her name. She gave it to me (it was on her ID badge), and I said "thanks, because I am going to call my kids right now and let them know who to sue if something happens to me due to lack of medical care-I think I'm having a heart attack, lady, and I need a doctor YESTERDAY". That seemed to have an effect. Make note of this, ladies. If you think you're having a heart attack or stroke, do NOT take no for an answer, and don't allow any health care provider to make you wait. It could be the thing that saves your life.

6 hours and 6 needle sticks later, I have an inner ear infection. Yes, I have high blood pressure. Yes, I am making lifestyle/diet/smoking cessation a priority, but my bp was not the cause of what ended up being vertigo from an inner ear infection. I am going to be fine. My bp is down already, and they gave me Cipro for the infection, and Antivert for the dizziness. I feel much better today.

My boys were pretty freaked out about it all. See, Mom here has always been the caretaker. I've only been really ill one other time, and that was when my neck was broken. Wondering if Mom was as bad off as Dad was was, well, I guess enlightening would be a good word. PJ came and got me, and went to CVS for my meds. I realized today that he must have even paid for them, because they didn't use my debit card. Alex went to Wendy's and got us something to eat, and Michael will be here shortly to help me clean up. It bugs me that it happened this way, but they needed to know that as strong as I may be, I am not bulletproof. I needed to know that, too.

God is so good! I had people praying for me for days now, and I want to be a witness to the power of God's love.

I'm going to take a nap now. I'm sleepy-one of the meds can do that. Again, never ignore your body's signals, ever. And don't allow anyone else to ignore them, either!

It all comes back to you

2007-04-12T02:57:00.000-05:00

I have a friend named Jo. Jo lives in Georgia. I originally met Jo on a BBS called Delphi. She's from England, and still has a thick cockney accent. I could go on about her for years-she's funny, and smart, and strong. She helped keep me relatively sane during my last divorce. She called me last week. It seems she had a bit of an issue with her daughter's school principal.

Go backwards about 7 years. I began having issues with the principal at SSS about then. We went toe-to-toe, and we stayed that way. Every time I did a round with him, I'd write about it-in my own special manner-and post it to the bulletin board online. People seemed amused. Jo thought it was coursework or something, because she saved most of it on her pc.

Back to the present day....Jo called. Jo's son is in Iraq, with the U.S. Army-NOT Britain's. The day he got off the plane, one of the soldiers in his unit was killed by a roadside bomb. Keep in mind that these people didn't even start out as American citizens. Jo works for an airline. Her family, excepting her kids, is all in England. Her son got a week's leave earlier this year. Jo took her daughter to England to see her son (and Sara's brother). The principal decided to threaten to take Jo to court over Sara missing so much school, all due to this trip. Jo said she pulled a 'Julie' on this principal. She threatened to 'don a placard across her bum saying how ugly school admin is to families of those serving in Iraq, and march up and down the street in front of the school the next time they had parent-teacher conferences'.

I adore this woman.

For whatever it is worth, I am NOT saying it is good to behave like this to school admin. I AM saying it is good to remind them from time to time, when they behave like arrogant imbecilic morons, about where the money comes from that pays their salary. I think sometimes...no, I think a LOT of times, admin gets too involved in rules and regulations as well as their own egos and they forget that they are there to make sure children get an APPROPRIATE education. Tooz here was Alex's 3rd grade teacher. She went WAY far to make sure Alex got that. The problem with it was it showed ME, as his mother, what the right way happened to be. And after that, I wasn't going to settle for less than the best for my child. I still won't. How can I ask Alex to do the right thing, no matter how hard it may be, if I don't?

Anyways....Jo's principal pal saw the light. The cool part is, I got her to plan a visit with us this summer. I want everyone to meet her. She can do an Eddie Izzard impression spot ON. So, when she makes it up here, we're going to Georgetown :)

In other news....

I finally, finally finally found a decent mechanic that doesn't treat me like a 'little woman'. I've had the Saturn in the shop FOUR times over coolant issues. I dread mechanics, because most times I'm treated like a stupid female. I know a LOT about cars. I don't take being treated like less than I am with grace. This guy took the time to research the problem. And it is FIXED, thank you Jesus. Not only did he fix it, he brought it to my house, thus giving him a chance to make SURE it was fixed, and that he would see everything that happened if it wasn't. THEN he raised the hood, and showed me what he did, and why he did it, without calling me honey or sweetie ONE time. A true blessing.

Alex is fine. He's out of school this week. I am an involved parent, so any time he's out of school is a break for me, too.

PJ is fine. He and Crystal and Jaden have moved to a house over in Bellepoint. I'd prefer they be out of the downtown area completely, but this is a better choice. PJ's house on Todd is about 3 feet from the road. If Jaden got out, and one of C.C. Moore's big trucks...well, Bellepoint is better.
She got her big honkin' Easter Basket, and as planned, her daddy claimed the white chocolate bunny. I am pleased. I am a tightwad with my money. I could be wealthy, and I'd still be shopping in consignment stores. The fact that I spent what I did on this basket is telling-grandbabies make you do really weird stuff.

Michael is fine, too. He is so goofy-but he makes me laugh. At times through gritted teeth, but....he's my son. They do that.

I'm off to shower and then to work. The Lord's best blessings to all!

It's soooo gravy

2007-04-07T04:51:00.000-05:00

You'd have to watch Sonic commercials to get that reference.

For months now, we've been having this issue with the heating/cooling in this house. It makes noise. LOTS of noise. The sound it makes started off as a whirring noise and grew until it sounded like an air raid siren, no lie. I thought it was the bearings in the blower motor. THREE visits from the heating guy later, we find out it is because the air return vents aren't big enough. This time, they sent an older gentleman instead of some young dude. He took a pair of needle-nosed pliers, bent the blades in the vent covers to where they're open more, and you can't hear the thing run ay tall. HOO RAH! No more waking up in the middle of the night thinking it is time to grab a sleeping bag and hit the hall closet!

My car is in the shop again. Same thing. The light is coming on that means the engine is hot, the transmission fluid is hot (doesn't apply here because the car is a manual shift), or the coolant level is low. The car wasn't hot, and the fluid level is fine. A lady I work with lives with a guy who is a lot like me-he LOVES muscle cars. He's also a crack mechanic who seems to enjoy hard cases. He finally found the problem-its a sensor not sending a signal to the computer to turn the fan on. All of this for a $10 part. I was finally to the point that I didn't even care. I just wanted the light off. I've been dealing with the same kaka in this car for nearly two months, and I was almost to the point of taking a drill and drilling through the dash to make that light go away. The good news is I finally found a mechanic I can trust. He understands that that car sometimes is all that stands between Alex and me and being on welfare, and that my babies and grandbabies all ride in that car.

And...he collects old muscle cars. Lots of them. I didn't take Alex out there when I took the car out there. Good thing, too. He's got THREE Camaros out there. One is a '01 SS. It still smells new. It is gorgeous. Dark blue, with a 6 speed. My favorite one was a very rare b4c Camaro. I'd never seen one before-only heard and read about them. A B4C Camaro is a police-issued model. It makes Corvettes cry. I got to drive it. All by myself. And I can tell you I make that car look GOOD :) I can't explain this, but there is something about the rumble of a v-8 that makes me tingly.

Alex is fine. He quit his paper route yesterday. It is a long story. One lady on the route was nuts. She would take the paper in, then call and say she never got the paper (that's called theft, boys and girls). I KNOW she did this because I've tested the theory. THEN once she came out the door screaming that she didn't know Alex and that he needed to go away when he went to redeliver the paper that was STILL on the mailbox. She's even came out the door screaming at Paul when he did the route for Alex when he was ill. She even went so far as to begin calling the other customers and complaining. I didn't feel like Alex was safe. I told the State Journal this, and they agreed to deliver THAT paper. That didn't work out either. Yesterday, this fool came out of her door, down her driveway, and began demanding her paper from my child. Um, no. Not today. Not ANY day. I had a state trooper (I no longer deal with the city police here) go explain the concept of theft, libel, and slander to her. Then I called the State Journal and told them that for the pittance Alex gets, they could find somebody else for this woman to torment and curse. The good news is, every other customer on this route loves Alex. Several of them intend to employ Alex to do their yard work. The fun part is, Alex will make more money this way. He's happier. It also frees his time up to devote to his end-of-year studies at school.

The rest of 'em are fine, too. Michael's little girl looks like Michael but with a teeny nose and darker skin. She has big blue eyes, and still has all that dark hair. She's so pretty. I mean just lovely. Very striking. Jaden? Jaden is still just flat cute. I think she's going to be little like her momma and her Mimi. She has very readable facial expressions. If she thinks you're behaving like a moron, her faces says plainly "you're behaving like a moron". I think she gets it honest. The whole house lights up when one of the girls is here (did you read that?!?!?!?!? I said GIRLS!!!!!!).

Julie is doing well, too, in case you were wondering. I've been on a self-imposed improvement plan. I've cut way down on my carbs, I've been walking more, I've lost 18 lbs, and I've been going to the tanning bed. I'm pasty. I mean fish-belly white. I don't aspire to be tropically brown. I just don't want to look like a walking, talking cadaver. I have to dress a certain way to work where I do, and I don't want to be the only woman up there wearing open-toed shoes with knee-hi's all summer. I look healthier now. I feel better. And I don't have to wear face make-up. I got all that hair chopped off two months ago, and I LOVE it. It's in a bob style, just to my collar. It looks feminine, but more mature and businessy.

Okay. Time for more coffee then mucking out the house. I hope yall have a wonderful Easter!

Because it doesn't take them as long

2007-03-28T16:32:00.000-05:00

I got this email once. It was a story as told from the viewpoint of a veterinarian, about why pets don't live as long as people do. The gist of the story was that dogs don't live as long as people do because God put us on this Earth to learn to love one another unconditionally, and it doesn't take dogs nearly as long to learn this as it does people. I agree.

Bella crossed the Rainbow Bridge today. She was placed next to Max. We miss her already, but she was nearly 16, and it was her time. Alex feels the loss more than the rest of us because Alex has no memory of her not being here. We 'ended up' with Bella when he was 9 months old. My next-door neighbor in Pensacola found her abandoned in a back yard. A military family just left her there to die. Ron brought her home, and Alex saw her as we were walking back from Michael and PJ getting on the school bus. I rolled the stroller up to the fence, and I think they decided they were meant for each other. Alex through a gargantuan fit when I rolled him away. We repeated this for a few days, until I went next door and asked if I could possibly buy the dog (I knew Ron raised German Shepherd dogs, not Norwegian Elkhounds). I paid $100 for a dog I knew very little about, and that was probably the best money I ever spent on an animal. She was about the same age as Alex, and I can say with certainty that she was the best dog I've ever seen around children. Somewhere, there is a picture of Alex at about 18 months asleep in the floor on Bella's chest with his thumb in his mouth and his other hand holding her ear. From the first day we saw her until her last, she was HIS dog.

For the record, we are as okay with this as we can be. We're sad, but we know she lived a long, happy life.

If you think about it, she not only learned to love unconditionally. She taught us how, too.

Odds and ends

2007-03-24T04:58:00.001-05:00

It is 6 a.m. I've not had a lot of sleep, so if this makes no sense, feel free to ridicule and tease.

I can't stand that commercial with Little Richard. It makes me want to load up a balloon with make-up remover and heave it at him every time I hear him squall about mashed potato and gravy and cranberry sauce whooooo....

I DO, however, like the gnome commercials from Travelocity. My favorite one is when he hits the stadium lights, gets electrocuted, and goes "ooooohh...tingly"

I need a bed for Jaden. She is asleep right now on an air mattress in the floor. That worked great until one large sneezing dog woke her up. Now my back is screaming in anger because I had to sleep on the couch.

The passenger side window on Sybil (my name for the Saturn) won't go down. The a/c works, though. I had the oil changed yesterday. Normally I do that myself, but for $25, Sears changes the oil, filter, tops off all my fluids, makes sure the air pressure is right in the tires-they even checked the ph in my coolant. A very good friend of Paul's works there, and he thinks a lot of Alex (Paul and Alex go shooting and hunting at Mike's), so he took some extra time checking the car out and making sure it was safe for kids and grandbabies. I put gas in it yesterday, and it's averaging (city and highway) 26 mpg. Not bad. Not as good as the Camaro, but better than the Camry. Go figger.

Jaden is here, as I said. I think this may become a regular thing. I hope so. Johnny bought her a pair of sandals that light up. She spent most of last evening stomping all over the house making them blink. I will say that while I adore her, and I look forward to seeing her, I'm not unhappy when she goes home. That means God knew what he was doing when he saw to it that I had my babies when I was young. I took her to Wal-Mart yesterday after I picked her up, and she fell asleep in the cart. I had to pick her up and pack her over my shoulder all the way through the store, through the check-out, and to the car. If I had to do that all the time I'd end up in traction.

Alex spent the night with a friend of his from school. His mom works at the KSP, and his aunt was a good friend of mine in high school. It sounds horrible, but before I allow anyone to drive off with my kid, I want references. Alex's passion these days is fish. Johnny bought him an aquarium for his birthday, and he drives me nuts with it. He collects weird fish. No guppies or goldfish for this kid, no no no. He has one called a convict fish because it has black and white stripes. I did Alex's route for him yesterday, and there are a lot of senior citizens on his route. I went to hand the paper off to one teeny lil old lady, and she looked very worried. She asked me if Alex was okay, and if he would be back. I explained to her why I was doing the route, and she went on to tell me just how wonderful a young man he was, always polite, always takes a moment to visit with her, and is such a pleasure. I was proud. I've gotten that more than a few times. Alex has always had a special touch with older people. It made my day for a complete stranger to tell me that at least most of the time, my lessons are getting through.

I dislike my hair. I got it all chopped off a month ago, and if people wouldn't look at me all crazy, I'd have the rest of it shaved clean off. I don't like messing with it. I don't like for my hair to touch my ears or my face (dunno why), so next time, I'm probably going to go a bit shorter. It's cut in a wedge (think Dorothy Hamill) now. I'd like something shorter but feminine.

Okay. The grandcritter is wide awake, so its time for me to shove off. I hope everyone has a great weekend, and to those that are traveling, an extra prayer for safety.

Side note to Jenn: If you don't know how and want to learn to shoot a gun, let me know. I'm prolly going to get slammed for this, but I own one, I know how to use it, and I have a permit to carry it concealed. If you ever vacay in Ky, I'd be glad to take you out and show you how to use one. Your recent experience was pretty scary.

Odds and ends

2007-03-24T04:58:00.000-05:00

A big ball of sick

2007-03-20T17:14:00.000-05:00

Alex is ill. I don't think it is flu, because he's not got a fever. He's got a severe headache, and this morning, he ran out of his room at 5:30 and *TMI ALERT* threw up so hard it came out of his nose. I went on in to work (I cannot miss any more time, lest one sawed-off lt. has my head on a stick), and called Paul to bring a thermometer, some Tylenol (Advil works better but upsets a tummy faster than Tylenol), and some non-red Gatorade. Bless him. He's dependable, and he loves his boys. I came home at lunch and still, no fever. He looked rather pale, and he's still complaining of a headache. If he's not better by tomorrow, it is off to the doctor with the boy. He's eating okay, so I'm hoping it's just been a simple virus or a slight case of salmonella.

Now *I* have a headache. I think it's tension from Alex being sick and my sinuses wreaking havoc. Other than that, I'm fine. I allow it to get to me when Alex is sick and I have to leave him. I'm glad I'm not married to John, and Paul for that matter, but being a single parent has its downside. It is also a reason for me to stay put for now. I dislike that. I'd love to move back to Florida, but it was terrifying for Alex or for me to be ill and to have no support system in place.

Other than that, I am fine. The Saturn has been running okay for almost a whole week now. I was really stressed about that as my car is my lifeline. I'm working on a stereo for it. It doesn't have anything there now-just a big gaping hole in the dash. I will say it's kinda cute. It isn't boring to drive, and Alex isn't ashamed to be seen in it. My job is still great. I have an incredible situation at work. I work for a very strong woman. Not domineering-just strong. She told me, word-for-word when I trasnferred to her section that if I 'screw up, I have no problem snapping your neck'. That sounds harsh to some, but to me, it was a breath of fresh air. I don't have a problem following rules. I DO have a problem when the rules are hazy or open to mood swings. That doesn't happen in this section. I, with one exception, work in a room with 4 other strong, independent, intelligent women. There is one male, and that's Jordan. I love Jordan. He's an awesome young man (he's 24). Even with all of that estrogen running amuck, there is no back-biting, cat-fighting, or crap in general. We all are able to work as a team. It is just amazing. I feel like I'm in a place where I can grow doing something I enjoy.

Johnny and I are fine. No news to report. We're maintaining the status quo, and we're happy. Nuff said.

Michael and PJ are fine. Michael is probably mad at me right now, but that's his own fault. I get up by 5 every morning, 7 days a week. I got to bed no later than 9:30. I never use an alarm clock, either. That's just my circadian rythym, and has been for decades now. Michael calls me after 10 last night. Unless 911 has been called, or you have a serious emergency, it's never a good idea to call my house after 9 (most times I'm in bed by 8:30 as 9:30 is staying up late for me). Michael KNOWS this. He called anyway, and it wasn't an emergency. He got 'told'.

PJ is fine. He's still doing roofing for my ex's stepfather. That bothers me. In a perfect world, it wouldn't, but it bugs the snot out of me. John put me through a lot of anguish and his family helped him do it. It chaps my hiney to know PJ has anything to do with the enemy camp.

I think that covers it. The scroll bar got awfully small, so I hope that covers it all. So...how are things wherever you all are? :)

Welcome to Mimitown

2007-03-17T07:11:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here enjoying a few quiet moments before the onslaught. Jaden is still asleep in my bed. She spent the night last night, which makes me very happy. There is nothing like a lil fat set of cute baby feet warming themselves against one's backside to make an old woman happy :)

Jaden is quite a character. She is silent until she gets to know you, and does NOT like for strangers to touch her. She's not real fond of when Michael brings Adrianne over, either. That is because this is Jaden's world, and she's just being kind in allowing the rest of us to live here.

I was telling Tooz that grandbabies are powerful people. I'm doing Jaden's Easter basket, and I don't even know now how much moolah I've spent. Yes, I know that stuff doesn't matter. Yes, I know she won't remember. I find myself enjoying it, though. So today, Mimi will go find Jaden a bigger purple basket because the one I have won't hold it all. I got her mostly toys. The candy I got is stuff I know her dad likes, like white chocolate bunnies. And with very little exception, it's all purple. Even the Easter grass is purple :)

IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE:
If you have a pet, be VERY careful if you use plastic Easter grass. Pets (especially cats) love to play with the stuff, but if they swallow it, it can block their intestines and kill them. Same thing with Christmas tree icicles.

EVEN MORE IMPORTANT:
We know what killed Alex's cat, Max. We knew it was kidney failure, but now we know it was likely the cat food I was buying that caused his kidneys to fail. There was a pet food recall because pets were dying of renal failure, and the food I was using was listed. More info can be found at: http://www.menufoods.com/recall/Press_Recall_03162007.pdf

I finally *lifts eyes skyward and says a silent prayer* got my new old car running. It was overheating. Again. The car has been a problem since I bought it. I find that car problems make me clench my jaw and gives me a headache. The blessing is I still managed to find a way to work every day. The good things about the Saturn is the gas mileage (the Camry was only getting 20-22 mpg). This car is getting 28 mpg, even when it was running hot. It can be fun to drive, but I do not want a manual transmission for daily driving. It makes my left leg ache and the twisting in my lower back hurts. Whine, whine, whine, eh?

Alex is fine. We had to handle a mini-crisis last week, but he's fine. He is retaking Algebra, and instead of a REALLY low C, he's now got a high B. That was a problem because not only did it drag his overall GPA down, but it meant he wasn't grasping concepts. It seems to me that education is like building a skyscraper or a pan of lasagna. You start with a foundation and build on it. If there is a problem in one area, it means everything on top of that area is weakened. I can't see him passing college-level math classes if he still couldn't wrap his mind around high school algebra.

PJ is fine. How he manages to land on his feet I'll never know, but I am trusting God's plan for him. Same thing with Michael.

Adrianne is lovely. She's an easy-going baby. Jessica has been supplementing the breast with bottles, and that little family is doing better. The baby just wasn't satisfied, Jess was exausted, Michael was exausted with her, and now, they are fine. I am not anti-lactation, but it bugs me sometimes when the breast-feeding Nazis swoop down. I breast-fed all of mine for at least a little while, but after I began supplementing with formula, everybody always seemed a lot happier and got a lot more sleep. I can see where it is better for baby, but that's being short-sighted. What a baby needs most is for their nutritional needs to be met and to have two parents that can string two thoughts together because they are rested. I know for a fact that Paul felt more like a parent when HE could feed the boys, too. As a matter of fact, when Alex was an infant, it was Paul that got up with him in the morning, changed him, dressed him, and fed him his first bottle. That became their private father-son time.

Okay. I'll step off the soapbox now. Forgive me. Jessica AND Crystal both caught flak for supplementing. I don't think that was fair. Nuff said.

To wrap it up, at the moment, all is well. The job? Good. The car? Good. Boys? Good. Granddaughters? Adorable and healthy!

Insert witty title here

2007-02-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

Not a lot going on. Adriene is fine. I wonder about her parents, but at last word, she is home and they're fine.

Jaden is just simply a dollbaby. She looks like the Olsen twins did at first on Full House. Crystal puts her hair up in a Pebbles Flintstone flippytail and it bounces everytime she takes a step.

Alex is fine. His new pc is quite ill, beyond my capabilities to fix it. I've called in the husband of one of my dearest friends (who happen to be the parents of Alex's good bud, Kris) to reinstall everything on Alex's machine, do the other wireless adaptor, and figure out where I went wrong installing the new printer. I had to order the recovery cd's for $20 off of HP's website because my brilliant child neglected to make his own. Be warned: many pc makers nowadays do NOT automatically include a restore cd with new machines. It is always a good idea to make your own.

PJ is okay. Not much to report there.

Bella's time is growing shorter. She is having great difficulty getting up from a laying-down position, and the steps into and out of the house is becoming more of an issue for her every day. This may sound harsh, but her passing won't be nearly as hard as my little dog Jenna and Max the Cat's. Jenna was only 3 and Max was 4. Bella is almost 16. She's been the best family dog ever. She's stood guard over Alex since he was an infant. She's earned her rest.

Que seems to not miss Max as much. She stopped looking for him a week after he died. She gets bored, but she also enjoys being the only kitty. I've decided that we will not be getting any more pets. I've been tied to a house because of kids and pets since I was 16 years old, and I'm weary of that.

The job is going quite well. It is a dream job for me, for many reasons. It is SUCH a blessing to wake up in the morning and not dread one's job, or feel squeamish about telling someone where you work. In Florida, I was a trainer for a McDonald's franchisee. I trained everyone from new managers to the 15 y/o fry guy that works Saturdays. I made more money than I do now. But telling someone you for at McDonald's when you're hitting 40? Not so great. Telling your father you work for the KSP? MUCH, much better. I enjoy things being precise. When you're dealing with records and archives, you have to be accurate. I *like* that. I tend to think in a logical manner (I'm only creative with words and food) so doing logical, precise work appeals to me.

I'm tired and my kitchen is dirty. Hope everything is great wherever yall are *hugs*

Adriene Lorraine Vickers

2007-02-15T04:44:00.000-05:00

Meet my newest grandaughter. She was born on Valentine's Day at 1:30 in the afternoon, after 3 days of tryng. She weighed 7 lbs. 2 oz., and is 21" long. She has huge dark eyes, a full head of reddish-brown hair, very long fingers, and the tell-tale sign-my feet. Right down to the pointy pinkie toe.

Michael and Jessica are fine. Very tired, but fine. The Mimi here wasn't doing too much better, but sleep came to me quickly last night so I feel better.

Let me say here and now that when Alex was beaten up, our experience with UK health care was fantastic. When this baby was being born, it sucked. I don't think any of us will ever return to UK-it was that poor. I'm just glad this is over so we can get them out of there.

Today, I am going to have a near-normal day. I am going to work, then I am coming home, and then I am going to be getting baby lovins from Jaden for a few hours. This weekend, I am going to see the newest Vickers. If being a grandmother was good before, having multiple choices is even better :)

Mmmmm..isn't crow yummy?

2007-02-10T08:57:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard the expression, "eating crow"? If you were wrong about a situation, you would be the one to 'eat crow'. It's a wordy way of saying "neener neener neener". I have a platter of crow before me.

I got the car fixed. The cost of the car, including taxes and insurance, and the repairs completed thus far, is a paltry $1300. Now, for a broke person, that sounds like a lot. But for a car, that's dirty ghetto cheap. I paid more than I thought I would in taxes because even with the amount of miles on it, my car books for $2200. I had budgeted $2k for a car. I stand firm in my belief that car is a gift from above. It needed a new wire on the battery (it caused and arc, which ruined the new battery). Wal-Mart replaced the battery for free. The tow and labor on the new wire was $90. The seats were broken in that they would fully recline if you put any pressure on them. The young guy I bought it off of told me that there was a recall on the seats, and all I had to do was take the car to a Saturn dealer and they would fix them for free. I called Quantrell Saturn and explained that it felt like I had a problem with the ignition switch. The service tech guy said "I tell ya, in a car that age, I'd bet you just need a key. Bring it on in, we'll fix your seats, and try the new key first". Can you BELIEVE that? An honest car repair guy! I picked up the car, drove it to Lexington, and was seated in a nice warm place with a tv-they even handed me a remote, and a cup of fresh coffee. 30 minutes later, Niles, my repair guy, comes out to me to 'update me on what's going on' with the car. Like it was in surgery or something. Still, I think it was cool that they did that. Another 30 minutes later, Niles tells me my car is done, the key idea worked, a $300 seat repair was covered 100%, and all I owed was $6.10. I was flabbergasted.

I bought a 1994 Saturn SC2 coupe with a 5-speed. It has nifty-keen hide-away headlights. Kinda snazzy. And a total BLAST to drive. Way too small (you have to put the lap belt on before you shut the door. Or I do, anyways), and not a long-term solution, but at least I don't feel the need to make sure nobody is looking when I get into it. It had NO radio, but Johnny is going to get me one for V Day. And of course, Alex LOVES this car. *makes note to self: find a speed governor in the next year*. The bad thing is, I have the same complaints about this car as I do the Camaro, but magnified. I know how to drive a stick shift, but it isn't my first choice. Driving it home in rush-hour traffic is definately a leg exerciser.

With what I saved, I bought some parts for the Camry. I've already transferred it, but when Paul went to replace the brakes, he noticed a BAD thing. The half shaft was broken and the tie rod end was almost OUT. If you lose a tie rod, you lose the ability to steer the wheel on that side of the car. A really easy way to flip your car. I felt pretty crummy about it, so I paid for the parts and Paul donated the labor. The end result is, I have a car I'm enjoying, one that doesn't scare me to have Alex drive, my ex-MIL has a car that won't kill her, and since I don't have to pay rent this month, I can get a dishwasher and countertop for the kitchen. Since my ex-MIL owns this house, everybody wins. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for prayers answered.

About Johnny? I'm not totally sure of this, but I think he understands that any attempts at controlling me will be met with an equal or greater amount of resistance. I think he also is dining on crow, because since there was an issue with the key, any attempts at roll-starting the car would have failed.

In other news....

Adriene Lorraine Vickers will begin her journey tomorrow at 8 p.m. They are going to induce Jessica tomorrow night, when she reaches 39 weeks. She's not dilating yet, so this is either going to take a very long time or a c-section.

I am going to take a shower and defunk my abode. Have a great weekend, everyone.

Car go....not

2007-02-07T09:07:00.000-05:00

Be warned: this is a whiney post.

Yesterday, I went and transferred the Saturn to me, and got the tags. Then they cut off my net access and cable saying I didn't pay the bill (I did). Then my new car wouldn't start. Still won't. Tried everything. I had to have it towed to a garage.

I am not a happy camper. I am weary. Yes, I know this will pass, but that knowledge doesn't equate a graceful acceptance of same. I am sick and tired of car stress. For months, it was insurance. Then it was whether or not I was going to win the 'will it start' lottery every morning. Then the shocks leaking and freezing, enabling me to experience the feeling of riding a buckboard with every ripple in the road. Then the brakes sounding like a rock tumbler. Don't even get me started on the steering or the windshield wipers (or the washer fluid nozzle only working on the passenger's side of the wagon). Then it was the struggle to find and pay for a replacement. Arguing with everyone here and not paying attention to my instincts.

THAT is the rub. I didn't pay enough attention to my own instincts. Nothing has really happened here that I didn't give permission in some form or fashion for. I had an off feeling about the whole deal. I ignored it because everything else seemed okay, and people weren't implying that I was a stupid female anymore.

BAD idea. It isn't going to happen anymore. And I don't care who gets their knickers in a twist over it. I figure that if at the end of the day, its going to be MY problem, then I demand all the say-so. Period.

I had a another Camry picked out. Everyone here turned their nose up at it. I had an okay feeling about it. Johnny began to pick the car apart. It needed a front end alignment. To him, that became 'the front end is fixing to fall out of it'. He insisted we go look. SO we did. All over 4 counties in the snow and cold, only to find that I was right, there was no better deal, etc. It has become obvious that he either has erroneously convinced himself that I am a stupid, helpless female, or he just can't stand not being in control. I'm going to say the answer is C, all of the above right now.

In desperation, I began perusing Ebay. Found the Saturn. Did the research, and bid on the car. I won the bid. We went to Corbin, where the car was, to fetch it. It drove fine home. Not the first problem out of it. But when I went to start it after getting it tagged, it would not start. Replaced the battery. Still got nothing. So, it was towed to a garage this morning. However, it wasn't towed before I had what you might call a vigorus discussion with Johnny the wonderous wizard of all things mechanical. He wanted to let it roll out of the driveway and roll-start it. I vetoed that idea. FYI: That method can work, but it is REALLY hard on the other parts of the car, like the exaust and the clutch. I cannot afford to take risks. My mother isn't paying the gas bill where *I* live. I have a child to support. I need a SURE thing. And the surest way to get a car someplace else when it won't run, WITHOUT further damage, is a tow truck.

So, now, he is in the other room, pouting. I am in here pretending to ignore him. I am beyond annoyed. I refuse to be controlled by anything other than my Savior. I prayed for a long, long time for guidance, and I'm not going to pay Jesus back by ignoring him, no matter how big a tantrum somebody throws.

Wish me luck. I'll know soon how much not trusting my instincts is going to cost me.

Car go vroom

2007-02-05T21:28:00.000-05:00

I just picked up my new used car. So far, so good.

I'm tired and I'm going to bed. It has been quite a stressful day.

Cars and Coach bags

2007-02-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

I got my last W-2, filed my taxes, and got a refund anticipation loan. Yes, I paid through the nose in interest, but we were in a mission:critical situation with my transportation. I have an '89 Camry wagon, with 192 thousand miles on it. It has been a decent little car, but it needs a series of repairs that isn't worth the cost on a car that old with that many miles. My ex-MIL wants a car to get her through the winter until...gosh, I don't even know why she said she could use the car. I've spent most of my adult life tuning her out, so I guess it has become reflex. So, I am going to give her my Camry instead of rent for a few months. This means I have a buyer, and while having cash up front would have been nice, not worrying about rent until spring sounds like a plan to me.

This means I needed a car. I have shopped and shopped and shopped for months for the right car ("right" being defined as "cheap, not ugly, and can reasonably be expected to last at least a year"). Johnny and I drove all over Frankfort, Lexington, and Shelbyville Friday in the snow. I have poured over ads for hours in local papers, cars.com, and autotrader.com.

Then I went to Ebay. Ayup. I bought a Saturn coupe :). Sight unseen. I said a fervent prayer about it and bid on a car, sight unseen. It is a gold '94, with quite a lot of miles on it, but as I said, it only has to last a year. It is a 5-speed, which wasn't my first choice, but I am skilled at driving a manual tranny. No radio, but I want a stereo with a USB port so I can play my mp3 player through the car radio anyway. It is sporty-looking without a sporty cost. I just researched the car, and have spoken to the man I bought it from, and everything seems to be okay. I go tomorrow after work to pick it up in Corbin (there the owner lives).

Because I was able to spend about half as much as I thought I would have to spend for another car, I went back to Ebay and bought myself a Coach handbag/purse. I'm pretty stoked about that, too. A nice purse has always been my one girly-girl picky thing. I've been using the same Aigner bag for 2 years, so having a nice, leather Coach bag for cheap is coolness.

Alex is fine. We miss Max, but 'the rest of our lives' is taking over, as it should. But man-o-man, that was hard. I appreciate the support, ladies. I try to remember what Jesus went through for me, and I know He is there, guiding me.

PJ is okay. For future reference, 'okay' with PJ means 'no new legal issues', at least since last summer.

Michael is getting antsy. They will know Thursday if they are going to induce Jessica's labor next Sunday. I have a feeling they will. This is a Vickers baby. Vickers babies have all been born early since 1924. And I should know. All 3 of mine were early. Of course, this means that by next Monday, I may be holding grandbaby #2. *side note to tooz-I saw Joyce at Wal-Mart when I was there buying a new bed for Michael's upcoming daughter-she's sooooo excited!*

Random thought: I wish Tonka made trucks in pink

Please keep Michael and Jessica and Baby Adrienne in your prayers, that her arrival will be a safe one for her and her mother. I'll be at UK with an ex-spouse, and ex-MIL, and a bunch of Michael's outlaws, who remind me of the Darling family on Andy Griffith. Or the type of person you'd find having a beer and a bite to eat down at the Boar's Nest with Bo and Luke and Daisy. You get the picure.

I'm outtie. I hope everyone's weekend was a good one!

6 ways to be weird

2007-01-28T11:03:00.000-05:00

I think I was tagged to give 6 reasons I am weird. The only hard part of this will be picking only 6 from such a long list.

1. I cannot ride in a car with the windows all the way up. At 10 degrees, I have to have the window open just a tad or I start feeling like I can't breathe.

2.I am dyslexic. I have issues with words that contain I and E, and issues telling left and right. However, I read about 500 wpm and can type 60 cwpm ( I average about 8k keystrokes/hour when doing data entry). Whether that makes me weird or an idiot savant can be for someone else to judge.

3. I can pick a coin (among other things) up off the floor using my toes.

4. I like rap music. I like anything with a heavy bass line and rap complies.

5. Tabasco is like ketchup for me. I eat hot sauce on almost everything, including eggs, and I carry a bottle in my purse.

6. I am afraid to walk across grass in the dark. Don't know why. It matters not if I'm in shows or my bare feet.

The bonus:

I am deeply afraid of swimming in rivers and oceans. That one really confuses me because I see Florida as my own personal Utopia. I do, however, know how to swim. I'm actually pretty good at it.

2007-01-27T15:52:00.000-05:00

Life got hard again. I'm just going to cut and paste a letter I wrote to my father because I'm truly that lazy:

Alex is fine. He's had a bit of a tragedy. His big, massive cat died Sunday. His name was Max. We have two dogs and we had two cats, all Alex's. Max was his favorite. Max began acting ill two weeks ago. He evidently had a urinary tract infection. Because I could not afford a vet call, the infection worsened until his kidneys failed and he died. Dad, I know you're not as into pets as I've always been, but that...that was harsh. I had a choice last Thursday, to either pay the gas bill or take the cat to the vet. It was about the hardest thing I've ever done. It was really hard to know that in order to succeed in one area, I had to fail miserably in another no matter what choice I made. I have victimized myself more than once with either a lack of responsibility or misplaced responsibility. I've also watched people from Shelby to my own kids to ex-husbands do the same. I simply could not teach Alex that the minute life gets hard, you can go beg people into taking over your responsibilities, and sometimes, being responsible and making the right priority choices means life is painful. Oddly, I think he's dealing with it a lot better than I am. Max was in a lot of pain, and I've been feeling like a failure a lot ever since. I'll step off the soapbox now. Forgive me for ranting. I'm hoping you can channel some of your infamous hardass attitude to me.

Other than that, Alex is fine. He and I have some of the same things in common, like he loves me all of the time. Doesn't always like me. He's not at all upset with me about Max. He's sad, but I think he understands that I have a responsibility to him first, and then to everything else.

PJ is fine. He ended his vacation at the Franklin County Regional Jail Sunday. He was in there to serve out the rest of a 14-day sentence for a DUI. Truth be told, he's been okay (okay being defined in as no new legal issues) for months now. He's roofing again for John Gibson's stepfather. I'm real happy about that.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I got Jaden last night, all night. She about makes it all worth it. I was dead on my feet all day today because at midnight last night, I woke up to her gently poking me in the nose and whispering 'beep beep' every time she did it. She's just flat out adorable. Even her dirty looks are cute. And I am SO glad I am just the grandmother. I don't know how you and Mike did/do it. I'm only 41 and she wears me out just watching her.

Michael is fine. He's getting nervous. Poor guy is just getting started being nervous. Jessica and new baby girl Vickers are doing well and waiting to make her grand entrance.

Johnny and I are fine. Right now, he's playing with his new toy remote control truck. I sure can pick 'em, eh, Daddy?

I'm going to go clean up this pig sty and stop feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps I'll torment the remaining cat with Johnny's toy. He sure can pick them, too :)

Once again

2007-01-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

I am tired. Very tired. But I had one of those best ever weekends.

Johnny and I went to a wedding Friday night. The groom was a very dear friend of Johnny's who also is/was a wrestler. This means there were a LOT of wrestlers there. They are some really nice people, but I'm just not nor will I ever be into wrestling. The ceremony was nice-almost casual, and the reception had plenty of yummy food.

Saturday during the day was relaxing and cleaning. I've been doing a lot of cleaning lately because I've let it go. I'm a picky housekeeper. Not so much that I shriek when you don't take your shoes off at the door, but I admit I like things organized and clean. Johnny, God bless him, saw me stressing and even went to the grocery for us without being asked. I might just keep him after all.

Saturday night, we went to the Monster Truck Jam at Rupp Arena. I was going to appease Johnny, who likes such things. I was surprised to find that it was actually sort of fun. It involved a motorsport, so I should not have been so surprised. I looked at all the tire marks on the floor at Rupp and was thinking "man.....I'm glad *I* ain't cleaning THAT". After that, it took us 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot. Gentle readers, I have driven in 37 states, in all types of situations, and no city is harder to drive in or more poorly planned than Lexington. After we got back to frankfort, we went to Waffle House and had some delish greasy spoon diner food. This amounts to another time when Johnny has watched me work until I was ready to drop, deal with the stress of my life, and desperately need a break. The best part of all was leaving the rest of the cleaning and the worry and the everything else behind for a few hours to relax.

Today, I dealt with the again-nasty carpet. I cleaned the carpet last summer. Today, I cleaned it again. I only have two rooms here that even have carpet. I have decided that hardwood, linoleum, and Pergo are my friends. I'd much rather mop a floor than deal with renting a Rug Doctor. After wagging the machine around for 4 hours (ayup-FOUR hours, on only TWO rooms), I am tired, and I bet my arms and shoulders are ticked off in a major way in the morning. The good news is, the house is c-l-e-a-n.

The bad news is, my woe-begotten middle child is in jail. PJ is serving the rest of a 14 day sentence he got for a DUI. Let me be very clear: he deserves to be where he is. If I were the judge, he would have gotten as much as the law will allow. That does not make it 'okay' for me. My son is in jail. MY son. Again. People sometimes forget about the other innocent victims. Anyone, including myself, who thinks hard time is a good thing needs to always remember that for every person in prison or jail, there is probably 2 or 3 people left behind who loves and misses them. My granddaughter and I did nothing wrong, but we're being punished, too.

Alex is doing great, thank you Jesus. he was late for his route this morning because Mom here did something very, very rare and stayed up way past her bedtime and slept in. He's very pleased with how we arranged stuff in his room. The rooms in this house are tiny compared to what we're used to. The bedrooms in the house downtown were massive. It meant that Alex had to give up his big bed for a twin because you couldn't walk around it. I got him a wheeled cart for the aquarium Johnny got him for his birthday, and since that was done and the carpets are clean, he can get his tank going again. He had fish before, but they died when we moved to Florida. There is a pet store across from this subdivision, and he's been haunting it as of late, planning on what type of fish he's going to get, etc. He also made his first loan payment (he got a $100 Christmas loan from a bank that they have at his high school) not just on time, but early. I am rather fond of the boy. Good thing, too, because otherwise I'd disown him for the spilled iced tea stains in his bedroom carpet.

Enough of this dissertation. I'm going to bed. Good night!

A perfect day for cleaning

2006-12-31T13:44:00.000-05:00

I made a mental list of things that need detail cleaning.

Polish the silver
Wash the dishes
Bleach the caulk in the tub
Clean the entire bathroom
Do up ALL the laundry (9 loads so far)
Bleach out the kitchen sink
Sweep and mop the living room, dining room, and kitchen (mopping was done on my hands and knees)
Sweep out the baseboards in the bedrooms
Vac the bedrooms
Re-arrange my closet, including the shoes
Dust the entire house

I am now done. I'm going to sleep.

The Day After

2006-12-26T04:16:00.000-05:00

I am stone cold broke. Must be the day after Christmas, eh?

But *I* got cool prezzies this year! I got this neat lighthouse light/barometer/clock. Inside it, my little boy had put an MP3 player. From Alex! Alex and I are both into gadgets. He bought himself an MP3 player months ago, and they are just the coolest lil things. When I'm doing data entry, it helps to use headphones and music. It makes it easier for me to key in stuff quickly and accurately. However, after 4 hours and hearing a homemade cd 3 times, the music can get old. With an MP3 player, you're not stuck at your desk, tethered by headphone to a CD player. AND, you can, depending on the memory, put a LOT more music on one.

I got my ring. It is just so pretty. Without a lot of fanfare, I have decided that it is an engagement ring. Not any time real soon. It took me years to get to this point, so to to actually MARRY again might take a while. The bottom line is, I love Johnny. He's my best everything.

Side note: I feel a bit like Scarlett O'Hara

Lessee.....I got to see Jader tater. Man....she is just so cute. Her hair was up in teeny flippy little dog ears and every time she took a step, they bounced. All the stuff she had, and all she wanted was Mimi's (I am a MiMi) Mardi Gras beads. She pulled every strand out, put them on, and grinned saying "Jaden is pwetty". Jaden can have the beads. Jaden can have anything she likes out of her MiMi's house, and if there isn't enough, we'll go get more stuff.

Yesterday, Michael and Jessica came over. Their baby is due on 2/18. Another little girl who will be named (so I am told) Adrienne Loraine. I cleared out a path to the drawer with what pictures I was able to salvage, and they sat in there for a long time, with Michael looking and explaining. I felt bad for Jessica. I don't think she knows anything about her husband's family. Now she does.

Other stuff: I got a DVD player for my room, a mini shopping spree at J. C. Penney's, a CD boombox of my own, and candles. I'm a firebug and I adore scented candles.

Now for the bad news: Alex got the p.c. but the disc drive doors won't open on either of the DVD drives. I've not had a chance to troubleshoot it yet. Joy. $1200 for a box that doesn't work. And I detest tech support. I tend to BE the tech support but this one has me stumped.

On the menu for today: Elder-Beerman's and J.C. Penney's this morning, a nap, then up for dinner with Daddy and Michael and Jessica and Alex and Johnny and me. I only have to work Wednesday and Thursday this week so after that, I deal with the mal-functioning new pc. Then I won't do diddly for a while. I have been fighting off a headcold which won, and I feel like I've been sick for over a month now. Like Jenn said before, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Again..my ring is lovely :)

The longest year

2006-12-21T05:02:00.000-05:00

Well, the Manchild is 15 and a day now. I woke him up yesterday and said "Good morning, Son! I love you! Happy Birthday, and welcome to the start of the longest year of your life!". I remember being 15. The year before you can drive is sooooo long.

His father got him a camcorder. He told him he could now document his last year on foot. I said "As well as the last year we sleep easy".

Seriously, though, he had a good day, all things considered. He had final exams yesterday, so he couldn't stay home from school. Normally, I allow him to have the day off. High school changes a lot of things, I suppose. The good news is he got a B on that exam. The bad news is that isn't surprising because it was in auto technology. Johnny got him an aquarium. Alex bought this betta he named Hannibal. Hannibal has been kept in a teeny bowl (which most bettas are). This is a 10 gallon tank. Alex 'showed' Hannibal his new home, and as he did, he was singing the theme from The Jeffersons. Yes...The Force is strong in that one....

Yesterday was the gift exchange at work. Instead of just drawing names, we had to put our names on a slip of paper, along with a list of things we wanted that didn't cost over $10. I wanted and got one of those candle warmers/coffee cup warmers. My coffee is always going cold, and that bugs me. We've been eating like swine at work, too. Every day this week, somebody has brought a breakfast and somebody else has brought a lunch. Today is my day for Pic Pac pimento cheese. I found a plastic Christmas bowl for a buck I'm putting it in. After the biscuit thing, I've not even wanted to cook for my kid.

Today, I'm leaving work at lunch and Alex and I are going to Lexington. We're going to the mall to find him a pair of shoes (no luck on the Heelys-they don't make them big enough for Alex), then to Joseph-Beth Booksellers, then CompUSA, then to GattiTown. I *love* GattoTown. It's like Chuck E. Cheese's but for bigger kids. Like me. Then I am coming home and re-assembling the tree. Que is one of those tree-climbing kitties and my tree looks pitiful.

I got to see my ring Saturday. Very pretty :). Johnny allowed me to wear it home and when he went to hold my hand, I skawked because he was blocking my view. Then the hateful monster made me give it back until Christmas. That was just mean! I've not decided what kind of ring it is yet. I've about decided it is just a promise ring, with me promising to think it over.

I am now running late. Everyone have a wonderful day!

BIRTHDAY SOS!!!! HELP!

2006-12-18T18:04:00.000-05:00

Alex has just informed me that he wants Heelys for his birthday. For the unenlightened, these are shoes with detachable wheels built into the heel. If ANYONE can find a pair of these things in a men's size 13, 12 at the smallest, e-mail me at juliebvickers@yahoo.com. Please help. This kid never asks for stuff, and I want him to have these shoes. You will get my undying gratitude!

Rachel Ray needs help

2006-12-18T04:49:00.000-05:00

I cooked for a living for 20 years. I got pretty good at it. I can do the fancy frou-frou stuff all the way down to biscuits. I used to be able to make 22 dozen biscuits in 45 minutes at SSS-from scratch. The only difference from there to home is I had a much bigger mixer at school.

It is now 4:50 am. I am waiting on a mere 2 dozen scratch biscuits to finish baking. From there, I will slice them and put country ham biscuit slices (also cooked and cut by hand in my kitchen) on them and take them to work.

4 freakin' AM, people! By 3 this afternoon, I'll be nodding off at my desk. How Rachel Ray keeps that cheesy toothy grin I will NEVER know. She needs to lay off the Prozac because she's making the rest of us look like cranky old poots. Okay, so I AM a cranky old poot. There's more of us than is are Rachel Rays so I'm safe.

Now that the mini-rant is behind us.....

Work is wonderful. My boss is the bomb. About two weeks ago, I was walking down the hall and came upon my former supervisor. I said "Hello, Glenna", and I swear this woman looked at me, curled her lip up, and didn't say a word to me. Says more about her than it does about me. I'm not sure what the goal was for her there, but it didn't make ME feel bad. Made her look like crap, though. This week, we're having a bit of a Christmas food fest, and I'm bringing biscuits. Thursday, I'm bringing in pimento cheese. I'm not making THAT, though. Danny Bryant (he and his wife own Pic Pac downtown) makes a mean pimento cheese. I'll purchase it, and bring it home and make it pretty and nobody will ever know the truth :)

Alex is fine. We locked horns over his math, but he is now passing the class comfortably. He turns 15 Wednesday. Tooz, do you remember that bouncy tow-headed little boy? I'm so glad I took the time with Alex. I didn't have it to give with Michael and PJ. Alex is pleased with himself. Alex has always had this ability to please elderly people. Most of the folks on his route are senior citizens. Alex puts the paper either in the hanging things on mailboxes or places the paper inside the storm door so it isn't so hard for them to retrieve it. So far this year, he's gotten over $100 in Christmas tips. In another year, I'll be begging old Rachel Ray for some of her meds because I'll be putting yet another Vickers on the road.

I am fine. I stay tired, but I can sleep when I die. I can tell you that I am getting a ring for Christmas. Johnny said I get to decide what kind of ring it is. Hmmmm...I bet yall will wonder about that :)

Time to finish the biscuits. Odd random memory: Alex called them 'bickets' when he was little.

/update

Bleh

2006-11-29T05:17:00.000-05:00

That one little word describes how I feel. I was told by my NP yesterday that I am infected from the waist up. My lungs are congested, there is fluid on my ears, and my sinuses are so infected that my teeth hurt and my eyes are swollen. Let me back up to say I do not have health insurance. Going to the doctor costs me $56 a visit. So, I had to swallow my pride and tell her that if they had any samples, I really needed them. She came back in with a whole paper bag of free meds, including BiaxinXL (a pretty powerful anti-biotic). I looked that up at drugstore.com, and those samples would have cost me $103. Good goobledy goo, gang. $103 for 20 pills. I am feverish, one med makes me stoned, and I've got the same headache I've had for the last two weeks. The fluid on my ears explains why I've had bouts of slight dizziness. And now? Those golden BiaxinXL's are giving me what we'll call gastro-intestinal distress.

The good news is Wal-Mart. I am NOT a fan of Wal-Mart, so this is news. Wal-Mart will now fill many generic scripts for $4. Ayup. Four bucks. You don't need a special card, or proof of income, or anything. All you need is $4 and the script. Not just antibiotics, either. A lot of Paul's heart meds are included. Paul and I have accepted the fact that we have to do whatever we can to support each other because we still have a son to finish raising. I worry about Paul's health care situation, because the government is making him wait for 2 years before they will re-issue his Medicaid card. So, the Wal-Mart news is wonderful. His monthly medication bill would be over $500 without the help.

Alex is fine. His father refinanced the house downtown, and got a little extra for Christmas. Alex is about going to have his own tree for the presents. UPS delivered a new computer with all the trimmings yesterday, so I need to go down there and inspect. I know its a nice machine because I picked it all out. All he asked for was a new television for his room. What he's getting is a computer with a tv tuner in it (you put the tv cable into the back of the machine) and a 19" flat-panel monitor. This machine has a 'personal video recorder' in it. Its like TiVo but inside a pc. So, he can watch television, record it to the machine or directly to a DVD. Very nice. And, it won't be outdated quite so soon. Paul and I discussed it at length. We didn't want to go overboard, but at the same time, Alex never complains. WHat I mean is, when he has to keep wearing the same old shoes because we can't afford new ones right away, he never complains. When we couldn't go back to Florida, he never complained. When all I fix for supper is soup and PB&J's, he never complains. He works 6 days a week. He's had his route for almost a year now and has never taken a vacay. He can be a bit of a slob, but generally, Alex is a pleasure. So...this year? Santa is in a REALLY good mood with Alex. Paul called me yesterday after the UPS guy left, and you could tell he was tickled to know he could do this. Alex is blessed. He has two parents that would go to the ends of the earth for him, spend every available moment with him, but are not afraid to kick butt when the need arises. WE are blessed because the need very rarely arises. Paul said "After Michael and PJ, this one is almost like a vacation". I agree. Thank you, Jesus.

Lastly, please add my friend, Janice to your prayer lists. There is a problem with her womanly bits, and I'm worried about her. We are closer than sisters, and her boys are my godchildren. All of my friends are very strong individuals, and she is no exception. Still, I worry. I'm good at that.

OH! And if anyone knows when Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer comes on, let me know. Its my favorite.

And now ya know the rest of the story :)

Slopping the hogs

2006-11-24T06:31:00.000-05:00

After some debate, we decided to just stay right here for Thanksgiving. I love my family in Ohio. I just didn't want to drive that far and then have to drive that far again to take the after-meal nap. I wanted to relax. Shah, riiiiight.

I ended up cooking for 8 straight hours. For THREE people. Got my nap, though.

Lessee....
Turkey
Dressing
Dumplings
Mashed taters
Green beans
Corn
Candied sweet taters
Deviled eggs
Fruit salad
Yeast rolls
Pecan pie
Pumpkin pie
Brownies

If I have to cook again before Monday, I'm going to flip out.

I'm sitting here in a nightshirt with a blankie around my legs and one fluffy little dog laying on the hem. Not because Cooper loves Mom. Only because where Mom is is warmer than where The Boy is.

Alex is fine. He went hunting yesterday for the first time. He and his dad went out to the wilderness with firearms. Deer seen: 4. Deer shot at: 4. Deer killed: 0. My dad said they must be Ohio State University deer. Alex loved it. Alex likes guns. Before anyone gets their panties in a wad, Alex has been raised around guns and hunting his whole life. They've never been presented to him as weapons. More like tools used to bring home food. Well, it is supposed to be like that at any rate. My lack of freezer space for an entire deer isn't a problem yet.

I'm fine. I debated on whether or not to post because I have very little to report. Perhaps no new drama IS the news to report.

OH! I did do one cool thing this week. There is a restaurant here called Bombay Brazier. I've never had Indian food before. It was the bomb. Everything I ate had a LOT of flavor. I ordered mine spicy, and it wasn't all that spicy, but for some odd reason, it made me break out in a sweat. I had lamb curry. I almost could have eaten the sauce as a soup. VERY tasty. I've had basmati rice before, but this stuff was a meal unto itself as well. I hope this place does well because the food was delish and I will be back.

That covers it. Today, Alex and I are going to attempt to make our old Christmas tree look nice again. He wants to decorate this year-and who am I to deny the child the ability to deal with hanging lights up outside?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And I hope you gave thanks. Alex and I were talking and it bothers us that this holiday, like so many others, has been made into something it isn't supposed to be. I'm not going shopping today. It bugs me how people these days see a day we're supposed to be giving thanks as 'the meal before the big shopping day'.

*stepping off the soapbox*

Do you believe?

2006-11-15T19:07:00.000-05:00

Do you believe in God's plan? Do you believe God has a plan for you? That you're where God wants you to be?

I do.

Here's why.

I have a very dear friend. Her name is Jan. We've been friends since she was 14 and I was 15. I'm 41 now.

Yesterday at work, I asked if I could come in at 6:30, so I could leave by 3. No particular reason. My boss was agreeable. This is where it gets weird.

When I got home, Jan called. Jan and I are close, but not the call every day sort of close. Her oldest son, Kris, and Alex are good friends, and Kris is supposed to spend Friday night here, so the call wasn't surprising. It got that way.

Jan told me thast she had just been for her yearly exam on her 'womanly bits'. They found a problem, and she was scheduled for further testing the next day (today). At 3:30.

Now we know why God wanted me off early today. But wait, because God wasn't done yet.

I went from work to the hospital here, and met Jan. She had her tests ran. We were laughing and yucking it up. We were doing what bff's do when life gets hard. We had agreed to treat ourselves to a real Chinese dinner, at our favorite place-China Wok. We were laughing and talking and eating, and then IT happened.

I always have the Peking Steak, medium rare. This was no exception. As I was jammin' on this steak, I felt a chunk go down my throat. I couldn't cough. I couldn't do anything. Thinking it was stuck in my esophogus, I took a drink. Bad idea. I was choking. For real. I realized I couldn't breathe, or cough. I stood up in front of Jan, with what must have been a panic-stricken look. She got the idea, turned me around, and did the Heimlich. It worked. A large chunk of beef landed soundly on the floor. As well as the gulp of a drink that had alcohol in it. The name of that drink was 'suffering bastard'. So much for my crass sense of humor. I got to go home, pretty shaken up, smelling of booze because that helpful drink ended up all over my shirt. I'm lucky to be alive, and lucky I'm not wording this in jail because if I had been pulled over (it isn't even a mile from the Chinese place to our house) reeking of booze, they would have hauled me in.

I'm going to bed. This has been yet another odd day brought to you by My Life.

Lastly, always have faith in God's plan. Because he has one. Every time I forget that, he has a resounding way of reminding me.

And never drink anything with bad words in it.

So far, so good

2006-11-08T05:43:00.000-05:00

The new assignment is working better than I hoped. I go in between 6:30 and seven, and I get to leave at 3 or 3:30. I'm digging on that. That last hour was always torture. It also sort of feels like I get to skip out early every afternoon. That was one of the things I liked about working at McD's and at SSS. At McD's, I was out of there by 1:30 every afternoon. I had to be in by 5, and by the time I really woke up, the day was over half done.

I saw my old supervisor day before yesterday. I spoke both times. Both times she behaved like I wasn't even there. The second time she was leaving the bathroom and she grunted something under her breath on her way out. I'm not sure what the goal was there. Don't much care, either. I was told not to discuss it (so I haven't). I also allowed her her last pound of flesh the day I left the SOR, and I don't owe her anything else. After the bathroom thing, I did what I needed to do and went back to my new desk and was happy to be there.

My hands are adjusting, and so am I. I do copious amounts of typing, which is hard on my hands. I've worked out desk and chair levels, and set it up as best I can to lesson the strain. My hands are a little swollen today, but no pain. No bleeding from evil staples, either.

Alex is fine. I gave him until this afternoon to set up tutoring before I set it up for him. He needs the help, but he needs to know how to go about seeking that out by himself. I am always available to help my child, but one of the best ways to help a kid is to teach him (or her) how to help themselves. It boggles my mind to see parents doing everything for their kids. A parent's job, purely defined, is to raise a child to be self-sufficient. When Alex graduates from high school, I want to know that I've done my job, and done it well. Wanting my help is one thing. Needing my help? That should be cause for concern, especially after he graduates.

I'm off to shower then get started with my day. Everyone have a stupendous day!

Bountiful blessings

2006-11-01T17:47:00.000-05:00

Be afraid. I am in a GREAT mood. And that isn't sarcasm, sportsfans!

I now work in a section called UCR. We get all the citations (tickets) after LEO's write them. Not just traffic tickets. In Kentucky, any time someone is cited for something-even cold checks-every law enforcement officer has to write what is called a uniform citation, in addition to serving warrants (if there is one). My job is to check the data they contain, trace over them if they can't be read by a scanner, then key that data in so we have a computer record as well as a hard copy. The people I work with are just so awesome. They are thoughtful, and kind, and fun. I got to work with them over the summer when SOR ran out of stuff for me to do. They treat me like not just a human being, but as part of a team. In SOR, I got treated like crap. I said 'good morning' to my supervisor EVERY morning for 6 months, and not until my hero, Sgt. Sumner showed up, did this supervisor even acknowledge my presence, much less my greeting. I would run to fetch a file she needed and until Sgt. Sumner looked at her one day and said "Is thank you too big for your mouth" did she ever say "thanks". I literally worked until my fingers bled. Never once did she ever tell me I did a good job. UCR is such a pleasure. My new boss is also the KSP civilian employee of the year. She is a strong female. She is very straight-forward. If you know me, you know I'm like that, so I work for a person I can respect. It is an amazing difference. I won't go so far as to say that I can't wait to get to work in the morning, but I can say I don't dread it and I don't cry all the way to work any more. I did that at SSS, too. Alex told me to tell my boss and Sgt. Sumner thank you, because his mom comes home in a lot better mood these days. That bothers me, because I thought I was doing a pretty good job of sucking it up. I guess Alex knows me better than I thought.

I asked Sgt. Sumner today why he came to my rescue. See, Adecco still writes my paychecks, and will until after the first of year. All he had to do was drop a dime and order up a new temp. Instead, he and my new supervisor (her name is Dorothy) took my old boss and Lt. Weeniehead to task, and allowed me to move. I'll add here that it put SOR in a bad situation because the monthly mail-outs are done the first week of every month, and I always did the monthly mail-outs. I walked by the receptionist today and they had HER doing it. Anyways.....I asked Sgt. Sumner, and he said, and I quote, "Because you always told me the truth, even when I knew it wasn't easy for you to do, and you never failed at any task I put before you". I was floored. I've been told quite a few times that I can be harsh I'm so honest (one of those that people say stuff like 'don't ask HER unless you really want to know' ).

While I'm gushing, another cool thing is I can adjust my work hours. I'm a morning person. It comes from so many years of having to be at work at 6 or 6:30. In UCR, I can come in as early as 6, and be out of there by 2:30 0r 3. That is coolness because I prefer to be home when Alex comes home.

I also finally got a cool pair of sneakers. For cheap. This sounds goofy, and probably petty, but I have wanted a pair of cool sneakers for years, and never could afford them because my kids needed them more. I found a pair of Reebok pumps that you don't even have to tie-and I never untie and tie my shoes-for $21 at Finishline.com in the clearance department. I got them today. I am SO happy about that! They look like girl shoes. My New Balance are men's shoes, bought because they were affordable and wide enough. The Reeboks adjust automatically. They even have a valve knob on them. When you release the valve, they make this cool obnoxious fart sound. Ann, you need these shoes. And they're pink! Johnny bought them for me as part of an anniversary 'extravaganza'.

Johnny and I are together again. I'm glad I stood my ground, and I'm glad he thought over things I said to him. As of 10/30/2006, we've been a couple for two years. So, I got presents. I LIKE presents. I got this massager thing for my back, a really sweet card (and he even READ it which I know because I quizzed him on the contents), dinner at Chili's, my shoes, and a frog thing that sings rap music. None of this was expected. All of it was welcomed. For all the problems and faults, I *know* he loves me. He works so hard for his money, and these things are a sacrifice. The card would have been enough. But gosh, I really like those shoes :)

Alex has a cold. Nothing serious, but because I am a mother before I am anything else, it worries me. His math grade is not good. If Tooz wants to volunteer to tutor him....moving right along, I was extremely annoyed with him this time last week. He dresses fairly well. I make sure of that. A lot of it comes from consignment shops, but fashionable, clean, and good repair. He came to me claiming to be unable to find a pair of jeans that were not used. I paid a pretty penny for them. He does not have a massive wardrobe, so any loss is felt. I went to the Klothes Kloset and bought two pair of pants (I did manage to get a him a pair of Levi's for $8). When I went to drop the bag off in his room, I looked in his closet, and in the floor was a pile of clothes I paid a lot of money for. I was not a happy mommy. I picked them up, and over in a dark corner of the closet was the 'lost' pair of jeans. I passed 'unhappy' and went hiney-deep into 'extremely annoyed-one step from angry, which lives next door to livid'. My answer to this was to set him down at the kitchen table with a calculator, my paycheck stubs, and a list of the monthly bills. I made him add the stubs, add the monthly bills, and then subtract the second from the first. Now he understands why he should not take showers long enough to drain the water heater, or waste food. Or clothes.

I'm eating assorted comfort foods for supper. Brown bean soup made with a copious amount of country ham, oven-fried potato, baked cornbread, and wedges of the last tomato from my back yard mater patch. Dr. Atkins is probably doing cartwheels in his grave. Mmmm carbs :)

Time for kp duty. Have a good one, y'all!

Thank you, Christ Jesus

2006-10-26T11:12:00.000-05:00

As I have alluded to here previously, as much as I believe in what I was doing in the SOR, the environment there was not a healthy one. I'm not going to expound on that-just suffice it to say that it was sort of like working at SSS.

Yesterday was about the worst day I've had there. I was near tears from frusteration and desperation. When I went in today, I knew something was going to change-by my volition or someone else's, but something was going to change. Today.

It did! Glory be! I went to ask a supervisor if I could use her as a reference. She said sure, then asked me why I wanted to leave the KSP. Because at this point I felt like I had nothing left to lose-at least nothing that mattered to me-I told her. All of it. Once again, this woman came to my aid. She went and talked to the sworn officers. I'm not sure of all that she said, and I don't NEED to know. All I know for sure is I don't ever have to deal with that section again.

Before I went to my desk this morning, I was praying in the bathroom that Jesus would please protect me, let me see the right things to do and say, and to help me always to take the high road, so that I may always walk with him. The next thing I know, one of my sgts came to me and told me I could return to where I wanted to be.

So...

Thank you, Christ Jesus. You are the only explanation, and you are explanation enough!

New name and other tidbits

2006-10-21T05:55:00.000-05:00

If case you notice (and now since you don't have to), I changed the name you see when I post from Her Eminence to Just Julez. I only began this blog so I could keep up with Tooz. When I first created it, I was feeling sarcastic and that title amused me. Now, it just seems arrogant. My name is Julie (NOT JuliA-which chafes my behind...people assume that's my given name a LOT). All of those close to me except for Daddy call me Jules. So now, in line with reality, I bring you Just Julez.

It's been an interesting week. Johnny and I are at least on speaking terms again. It annoys me that we've gone back and forth, but the nekkid truth is, we love each other. It would be wonderful if that was all that was required in a relationship, but at least it is a pretty sturdy foundation. Johnny grew up in church. In his years as an alcoholic, he walked away from that foundation. He's now trying very hard to walk with Jesus again. That has been an issue. There is a line in Steel Magnolias where Darryl Hannah says something to the effect of "I can't be with a man I'm not going to see in The Hereafter". That pretty much sums it up for me. Walking away from Johnny wasn't as easy as I thought, because I do love him, and we've been friends for so long that not being there for one another doesn't feel like an option.

Alex is my joy. He's growing up way too fast. He's 6' and weighs 230. He's not fat-he's just not thin. Many of you who have read this have seen him-he's built stocky like his mom. I was gazing at him a few days ago when he was walking up the street. It made me ask where my little boy went. Tooz, do you remember him in 3rd grade? He was this lil skinny bouncy thing. He's got very thick hair. When he was little, it was cut in sort of a bowl cut, with it longer on top than the sides and back. I can still see him bouncing down the steps at SSS, and all that blonde hair bouncing with him. I can still hear him, too. I think a mother can pick her child's voice out of a crowd of a thousand kids. I could be working my arse off feeding kids, and one of mine would say simply "Mom" and I would snap to it. That doesn't change as they get older. I went to pick him up at school a few weeks ago, and I heard his voice. I could not see him because I was surrounded by teenagers, most of whom are a lot taller than I am. I yelled "By the front doors, Son!", and there he was, lop-sided grin and all. He bent and kissed the top of my head and giggled. He does that to annoy me. He annoys me simply because he can. He seems to enjoy annoying me. That's okay, because I went through the toughest proving ground EVAH because I raised Michael and PJ.

I have been working on the memorial site for my Mamaw. It is coming along s-l-o-w-l-y. I want this to be right. I'm gathering up e-mail addys because I want all of her family to offer up a favorite memory of her, along with a way she helped them live a life filled with the love of Jesus. If I could do anything in her memory, she would want me to spread The Word.

Some of Julie's favorite Mamaw memories:

Colby cheese....Mamaw always kept those small waxed rolls of Kraft colby cheese. After so long, I don't think she ate any herself, but her granddaughters always did. It became something she did for us. I can't find it anymore, but when I pilfered her fridge, I'd see that, and it was like she was saying "I love you and think of you even when you're not here". Sort of like how we feel about her now.

Hearing aids....Mamaw wore a hearing aid until they just didn't work anymore. I don't recall a time when she didn't wear one. Whenever we hugged her, her hearing aids whistled. When we were small, we'd hold our hands up to her ears just to listen to it. When I became an adult, I asked her once how come she tolerated something that HAD to irritate her, and she said-and this is a verbatim quote-"because my ears don't whistle unless somebody I love is close by".

Pepsi, Kool-Aid, and ice cream....Mamaw and Papaw only drank one brand of soda, that being Pepsi. There was a shelf over the stairs to the basement, and it always had 16 oz. Pepsis in glass bottles on it. She ALWAYS had at least 3 flavors of Kool-Aid in her fridge. And on Saturday nights, as she was rolling her hair for church the next day, all of my cousins and myself would wreak havoc in her kitchen making milkshakes with ice cream. THEN we'd pile into her livingroom and watch whatever movie The Cool Ghoul presented that night. We also knew that it was past time for bed when we heard Papaw switch on the Channel 7 news.

The front bedroom....Mamaw and Papaw lived in a duplex near downtown Dayton, Ohio. My only uncle, his wife, and their 3 kids lived in the other side. Because of this, my cousins, my oldest brother, and myself were more like all brothers and sisters (my little brother and sister were born almost a whole generation later, so they weren't as much a part of that group). The duplex had 3 bedrooms. I always slept in the front bedroom, because I was spoiled. That room had an air conditioner, see. It had this beautiful vanity and bench where we'd play dress-up. When Mamaw passed away, all of her jewelry was split between my cousin Robin, my little sister Jill, and myself. None of it is expensive, but when I take it out for a trip down Memory Lane, I can still see and hear her. Almost all of it is pins. Beautiful items. She always wore pins with her dresses, even when she didn't plan on leaving the house. These will go to my granddaughters some day.

Time for me to clean up the funky dirty abode. Thanks to anyone reading this, for going down Mamaw Memory Lane with me. I'm going to go get some ice cream today, and make sure my son has those kinds of memories to take with him, too!

See? Life IS fair!

2006-10-15T06:06:00.000-05:00

Yall remember the Lt. I spoke so glowingly of? Welp.....Weeniehead has two sons, both young. I saw him in Wal-Mart yesterday with the youngest one. The child wasn't happy (I felt his pain). I mean he was REAL unhappy. It seems Daddy didn't give him what he wanted so he threw himself down on the ground and proceeded to throw a kicking, screaming fit. Lt. Weeniehead looked up, saw me, and you could tell he wished the floor would just swallow him whole. And *I* didn't even make ONE crass comment! Not ONE!!!! Not even one about "I reckon he's just like his father after all'. Nothing! All I did was smile and say "Good afternoon, Lt." and walk away. I wanted to whistle like John Wayne did in Wings of Eagles but I just left the store. My boys never did that. They tried, but before they could get the first squall out, they were on their way to the bathroom for one of those infamous come to Jesus meetings.

For the record, I am not a proponent of beating one's children. I don't see a well-timed paddling as a beating, however. I had Dr. Blair tell me years ago, after helping me hunt Michael down in the doctor's office (he was hiding under one of the exam tables), that if you promise a child an action for a certain wrong behavior, and the child commits the infraction, then they are asking for it and it was my job to give it to them. Ergo, if I said "if you do that, I'm going to spank you", and they did it anyway, a spanking they got. If I had behaved as Lt.'s son did, my parents would have snatched me bald-headed. It made me think about the consequences of my actions prior, which is a very good thing.

I thought about Tooz's youngest a moment ago. We had White Castles for supper last night. We're getting ready to leave for Alex's route, and I heard what sounded like a two-cycle weedwhacker motor, followed by both Alex and Que running out of his room as Alex was laughing. Maybe Anne was channeling.

We're off to deliver bird cage liner. Have a great day, everyone.

2006-10-13T04:22:00.000-05:00

I've not set the timestamp on this thingy here yet, but its 5:15 a.m. I stayed up until 10:30, hoping I would sleep until 5:30, hoping that maybe I wouldn't be so wiped out at 4:30 after work. My son's cat has other ideas. This is an ongoing point of contention for me and Alex. He shuts all the pets up in his room at night. I can understand shutting one's door. Heck, I shut MY door (its a fire safety thing). I just can't deal with this cat waking me up trying to pry the door open whilst the manchild sleeps. At 4:15 this morning, I wake up to that 'thunk thunk thunk' caused by a cat paw under the edge of a door, down the hall. How Alex can sleep through that I will never know. Paul is now disabled. I am going to beg Alex's dad to *please* fashion some sort of pet door before Max ends up as BBQ.

I am unattached again. I'd say single but I've been single for 3 and a half years. This needed to happen, but it still sucks. To expound, its a great big ball of suckage. I've been avoiding any contact not because I'm playing games, but because it would be bad for me to see Johnny. Toxic relationships are like heroin. The only way to feed the habit is to see the other person. I've placed all of his belongings left here in my garage. He came to get some of his things yesterday, so Alex and I bugged out to my 'other' friend in G-town (that explains my hasty chat exit, Tooz). I'm okay, for the record. This was my choice.

Work was another ball of suckage last week. There is a lt. there that reminds me of the character Bruno Kirby played in Good Morning, Vietnam. He called me into his office to give me a big old ration of kakapoopoo because I wasn't there one day (I have a doctor's note, so he can bite me). It was amusing. I am a grown woman, and a fairly intelligent one at that. All you need to do is say 'don't do that anymore' and chances are pretty good that I won't. This man went on a 10 minute rant, finding a gazillion ways to be ugly about 'don't do that anymore'. Normally, this would have me telling him in a gazillion ways just why he should try being the man at home so he wouldn't feel the need to play catch-up on manliness at work. He's this little sawed-off wannabe. At first, I wanted to tell him to bite me. Then it became obvious that this weenie was trying to break me, make me quit, or make me react in such a way that he could fire me. As if! I would not allow him or anyone else that satisfaction. I sat there, and I'm not sure about this, but I think I must have had a smirk on my face. I looked at him, smiled, and said "Thank you for your feedback, Lt. I'll address the issue immediately", smiled, shook his hand, and left. That seemed to aggravate him even more. Good on me! I like my job. I'm not about to allow Lt. Weeniehead, who will retire long before I do, to cheat me out of a good thing.

Alex is fine. He's been on fall break this week. That means I get a break. Educating kids is hard work for parents, too, assuming the parents care and are involved. He spent last night at his dad's house. He spent most of yesterday helping his father clean up the room Michael was staying in before he married. Poor kid. He's like his mom in too many ways. He's not happy right now, because when I went in there to let the cat out, I was highly annoyed, turned on his light, and said 'if you can't leave the door cracked open just enough for the cat to get out, then we'll both be awake'. Other than that, he's groovy.

Michael told me yesterday that his baby looks to be a girl. After that, he told me something else: this pregnancy is very high risk. I figured it might be. Jessica's weight makes it one. Her BP and blood sugar levels are not good. She's seeing high risk pregnancy doctors at UK. She's got 4 months to go. I have a grandgirl. I was sort of hoping for a grandboy. I'll take a healthy one regardless. I'll take any of 'em regardless. My reasoning is purely selfish, because I just seem to do better with boys. Paul and I both agree that we're glad we had boys, because if PJ had been a girl, Paul would have worn a shotgun out (hahahahaha). I've been praying on it. Not just for my grandchild, but for God to give Michael the strength to weather whatever God has in store for him.

Time for me to go shower and finish my work week. I may work at the KSP, but I work for Frankfort Plant Board and Save-a-Lot, because they get the majority of my money.

Have a good one, everybody. And Jenn? Abut your livingroom floor? I think its not us. I think its a boy thing. I can have the house clean, have Alex walk through, and I swear stuff jumps out of drawers and closets and lands on the floor. I went to get my morning coffee and there were empty frozen pizza boxes littering the countertop, right above the trashcan. Less than a foot away, and he elected to just leave them ABOVE the trashcan. I picked them up and put them on top of the PS2, in that 200 sq. ft. science experiment otherwise known at Alex's bedroom. Childish? Ayup. But in his room, it becomes HIS problem :)

Don't freak out or anything

2006-10-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

But *I* had a stupendous weekend, free of unpleasantry.

First, I'd like to thank the entirety of the Meadors clan for their graciousness. Alex and I got to meet all but Everett for lunch today after church. You all are just an amazing group of people, and my son and I thank you. We had a great time, and would love to do it again. As I said today, it is nice to have a real face and a voice to place with the people I'm coming to know here. Especially the OTHER best baby girl in the world :)

And, I didn't start a food fight. Alex said if I did, he'd tell the teacher.

After we came home, I went and spent the afternoon with my YOM. I've mentioned her here before. Her name is Linda. Linda went to school with both of my 'rents. She's like apple cider-sweet, but tart. She pulls no punches. I adore her. And...my yommy has a sweeeet cherry red Corvette. Being her chauffer is quite a pleasure, and she allows me this pleasure from time to time. Today was perfect for a Vette. See Tooz? Alex was doomed from the start. Both of his parents are car nuts.

My house is a wreck. There are dirty socks under this desk from Friday. And the sad part is, they are MY socks. I inadvertantly (sp) decided to take the weekend off. Alex can clean over the week he's out of school. But still...ick. When we returned from G-town, we walked in and both of us were like 'uh...gross'. This matters because none of you who read this know of my neat freakishness. I am Überorganized. Most times, I know where everything in this house is, and its clean and ready for use-even the silver. This is not that day. Glory be-not only did I have the chance to relax. I actually TOOK it. I highly recommend this, as housework is the most patient thing ever. It'll wait on you for days....as long as you can stand the smell.

Yesterday, I did little to nothing. I geeked out on the computer, piddled with MS Office and did some Unix/Linux work. I'll never be a programmer, and writing code is very difficult for me, but I enjoy knowing *how* to do stuff.

I'm off to do a little work on the memorial sight for my Mamaw. I can sing the song I want on the site, but I think somebody else could do a better job. Right now, I'm trying to edit 67 steno pads that contain Mamaw's conversations for the last 2 years of her life.

Yanno, that is so cool. I saw so many people abandoned in the nursing home she was in. THAT wasn't cool. But it is cool that from the looks of these conversations, Mamaw never felt like she wasn't loved. She wasn't shuttled off to a nursing home and forgotten. I am also so glad I get to see her again some day.

10-4!

The Cause

2006-10-03T18:30:00.000-05:00

I've had a couple of pretty challenging weeks as of late. Pretty standard complaints...my boyfriend is a jerk, my boss isn't much better, yada yada. Today was a different day.

I got to work this morning and one of my workmates was standing outside smoking. She is one of the funniest people I've ever met. She can be pretty crass, but she has a great big heart, and she can always make me laugh. Her name is Dana. Remind me sometime to tell you about when she got conned into paging Stu Padasso. Close your eyes and say it together quickly and you'll understand why that is so funny. Anyways....Dana was standing there smiling like she'd done something mischevious. I asked her what was up and she said "I brought you something". She went into her desk area (she sits up front greeting visitors and answering our phones) and brought out these two gorgeous blazers. One is burgundy and the other is chocolate brown, identical. They're even lined and they have padded shoulders. Both of them had tags on them. She handed them to me and I said "You went shopping again?". She replied "No, dummy-these are for you". I raised my eyebrow in that 'what the' look, and she said "I got these at Elder-Beerman's months ago on sale, and I hate the way they fit me-I want you to have them". I shook my head and started to hand them back, and she stepped away, saying "Julie, please-they'd look so nice on you, and the sleeves are way too long on me". I tried one of them on, and they fit beautifully. THAT was a feat unto itself, because I have unusually broad shoulders and God was generous with my mammary area. I was speechless (no really-I didn't know what to say. ME!!!! Silent!!!). She was delighted. I am grateful, and I said a silent prayer of thanks.

I have thought about this all day. See, we really DID lose 90% of everything we owned due to Hurricane Ivan. All the clothes I managed to salvage were my long leather coat, a few of my Aigner purses (every woman needs one picky thing, and mine is Aigner purses), and the clothes I packed when we left Pensacola. That was *it*. As far as furniture, one bedroom suite (out of four), my grandmother's table and chairs, 2 tv's and the computers (which came up with us initially, because I am a geek and its like that, doncha know). That is it, out of a 4 bedroom house.

After the storm, it was time for me to learn to be humble. Quite a task. When my last marriage ended, I prided myself on never taking one thin dime of welfare. When it ended, I was left with over $900 in unpaid utilities in my name that were due, a child to support, and exactly $32 to my name. I managed to make it to where my son never knew. He never suffered one iota. His standard of living actually improved. It took dedication and a lot of hard work, but I made it happen. Or at least I thought I did. Looking back now, I know it was God's hands that carried me through. And he wasn't done yet.

When we knew for sure the house was ruined, I had no money to go fetch our belongings. FEMA is a joke, people. I don't know how others did it, but all they gave me was $400, and that would not cover the truck, nor the gas, and that was IF I could even get a truck. That means that anything that might have been saved could not be saved because after it sat there that long drenched in storm water, it all molded. Eventually, Paul went down and brought as much back as he could (bless Paul). All it took was a Toyota truck. 25+ years of my life, gone.

So, once again, life became a do-over. This time, it was from scratch. That's when Alex and I became The Cause.

I was living up here in the same house I worked so hard to get away from, sitting on somebody else's furniture, sleeping on somebody else's couch, and wearing the same clothes. I used a big chunk of the big government check to make sure Alex had winter clothes. I got a job. But I had no proverbial spark. I was tired. I felt beaten.

Then God showed up. However, he took the form of the people who loved us. I had a house. I may not have liked it, and I'm glad I don't live there now, but I wasn't like those that followed the following year dying in the Superdome. I had a car that at the time, ran and ran well. And, I had people that loved me. This group, most of whom still have not met each other, began to donate. Paul donated living room furniture and appliances (he worked at Sears, and could get stuff for way cheap). He went and retrieved a dining table and chairs that never got thrown away that we had when our oldest two were babies. My friend Jan, who is built similarly, donated clothes and towels and even a coffeemaker. She is STILL giving me clothes. My 'yom' (your other mother) Linda gave me even more clothes, and a whole set of dishes and a hairdryer and blankets and just googobs of stuff. My other Susan friend gave Alex all of Chris's old clothes. It didn't weird Alex out, and it made Susan feel good to see him wear them.

I am now sitting in a 3-bedroom house. A fully-furnished one. I owe nothing on any of it. I have about $400 in all of it. I have more clothes than I ever have in my life. I need nothing. I may want stuff, but Alex and I need nothing. I'm not trying to measure our success and/or survival based on an amount of stuff. What I am saying is I am sitting in a home that God built. It feels like Jesus picked us up and packed us around for a few years. The message for me is God WILL provide. Not one time since John left has Alex ever been hungry. We've never had to sleep in the car. We are about the most generously blessed people you will ever know. The lesson I've learned is that the hand of God takes many forms, and He is always with me. All I have to do is look!

No bagged salad for me, Mom

2006-10-01T19:03:00.000-05:00

A rather uneventful weekend at last!

I have decided that I'm not going to buy any more bagged salad greens. Spinach, salad mix-none of it. I've had heads of iceberg lettuce that kept for a month in a fridge. Bagged products begin fermenting in 2 weeks. I know that regular salad mix (iceberg, carrots and purple cabbage) go bad quickly because of the reaction of lettuce to the cabbage, but even spinach looks like canned stuff after 2 weeks. This leads me to believe that bagged stuff is loaded with bacteria, and rinsing something off in cold water does little to counteract that. And, ya can't boil lettuce.

This is kind of a bummer. Until the recent ecoli scare, I adored fresh baby spinach. I could eat a sammich of baby spinach and mayo and nothing else and it was delish.

When I'm sitting here and the most I can complain about is missing sammiches, life is pretty good and I should be pinched for whining.

I went to Simpsonville today and wandered around the flea market. I love this place. Many cool things. I've about replaced what I lost because of Ivan, but I'm still replacing brick-a-brack. I saw a Coach handbag for $40. I got a whole bag of plums for $2, and most of those are already gone. I could almost be a vegetarian and produce costs more than anything else I buy so finding cheap stuff is a reason to celebrate.

I am going to go eat a salad made the old-fashioned way. Heavens to Mergatroid.

Only in Kentucky

2006-09-30T06:54:00.000-05:00

Well, maybe not ONLY Kentucky, but I've never seen it anywhere else. I was at work Wednesday, and saw a funeral procession going down the road. A LONG one. About halfway through the line, I saw it: some guy and his chick on a Harley. A RED one. Complete with the little funeral flag. If I die before anyone else who happens to read this...two things: don't bury me in the plot next to my ex-FIL, and if anyone shows up on a Harley? Shoot 'em. I don't want my children and grandchildren knowing I knew people that tacky :)

It's been quite a week. I'm about to lose 150 lbs. I've been in a relationship now for 2 years and I'm just about done with it. I'm still not sure how it'll all pan out, but I learned a BIG lesson in my last divorce: don't ignore Holy Ghost Pokes. HGP's are what I call those little nagging feelings that something somewhere isn't quite right. I see it as a sign that Jesus is trying to protect me. I ignored them for far too long with John. I'm not going to do it again.

I've been having hand issues at work. I have been doing a LOT of mail processing which means a LOT of filing, like 200+ peices of mail a day. Staples are the bane of my existance. My hands are shredded, my fingers have been so swollen that I couldn't get a pair of rubber gloves on, and I drove home the other day using the palm of my hand to steer because my fingers were so swollen I couldn't make a fist. I have rheumatoid arthritis in my hands. My fingers are already gnarling over, and this just makes it mad. I tried those little rubber fingertip things with the nubs which work, but not for long because they come off when I pull my hand out from between two files. I have about decided that all I can do is grin and bear it until I'm done with this project, then go back and pull all those staples out and redo the files. All people had to do was to staple papers in with the staples facing the inside of the folder. *steps off the crybaby whineyhiney podium*

I have gotten over the Camaro again for a little while. I've had this love/hate thing going on with this same car for almost 9 years now. Its a deep purple color that looks gray its so muted. I have to admit the color is what pulled me in. It has been singularly the most durable (two teenagers learned to drive and took their test in this same car) and most dependable car I have ever owned (it didn't begin the downward spiral until AFTER 189 THOUSAND miles). Notice the tense there. It is dying. Its still gives me that Mona Lisa smile to look at it, but egads, I hate driving this car. Even if it ran right, its still like climbing out of a clawfoot tub. I cannot see out of it. I'm undertall. You can barely tell the car has a driver when I'm in it. It makes my arse go numb on long trips. And now, it smells bad, the headliner is falling, the tint is cloudy, the a/c doesn't work and the windows only work part of the time. Driving it in rain is like skating on 4 wheels. I'm not fond of my old beaterwagon, but its comfy, all its buttons work (incl. the a/c), and rain doesn't faze it ay tall.

Cooper seems to have recovered in as much as he can. Thank you, Jesus. Alex took him for a very long walk yesterday. Too long. This is a little dog, and as energetic as he is, he got tired and Alex had to give him a lift home. So NOW, we're worried about him because of the 'guests' in our oak tree in the back yard. There are two red-tailed hawks in this tree. Well, maybe one was just hanging out with his homeboy, but there's at least one for sure. Coop was out there and I saw this large bird circling, and realized what it was and what it was doing. This means Cooper cannot go outside without a human. Like Roseanne Rosannadanna sez..its always sumthin'

I am about to annoy Alex, wake him up, and get the chores over with early. I want to get the shopping done and the wagon vacuumed out so I can get back here and relax. shayah riiiiight...

*salute*

Tater chips, cotton candy, and country music

2006-09-23T16:27:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, Cooper is okay. He will continue to have episodes like the past week from time to time, with it getting worse over the long term, but for right now, he's being his normal, bouncy little self. That makes it very difficult. Asking Coop to lie still is like asking him to be somebody else's dog. There is a surgery, but I'm lucky to pay for the dog food, yanno?

Next week I'll be on vacation. I'll be working, but my boss is at a convention in Orlando all week. YEA, ME!!!!!!

Today, Johnny and I went to Wilmore. He had to check out a job his company did. On the way back, we saw John Michael Montgomery. No lie. He was out checking the mail at his dad's house (his father lives in Wilmore). We were driving by, and this rather large guy in jewelry and a 10 gallon hat was crossing the road to get to a mailbox. He looked up, smiled, and waved. All I wanted to do was ask him if he could get his brother's autograph (I like Montgomery Gentry).

I have found a tater chip that almost tastes like my fav-o-rite salty snack (Zapp's cajun Crawtater tater chips). I got turned on to Zapp's living on the Gulf coast. Their spicy MEANS spicy. I live for spicy food. Tabasco is my ketchup. Mike Sells makes a kettle-cooked habanero chip that is ALMOST like Zapp's. This is cool because Mike Sell's are from Dayton, Ohio. *I* am from Dayton, Ohio. I've been eating Mike Sell's my entire life. I even went there on a school trip once when I was in 4th grade. It's also a lot cheaper than having Zapp's shipped to me here (yes, I can be THAT picky).

Johnny got a bag of cotton candy. I'll write sometime about a big wad of it getting stuck to Cooper's little nose. THAT was funny. So today, with Johnny, we sorta just went road-tripping in some of the most beautiful countryside you can see, eating chips and cotton candy and listening to music that doesn't make my ears bleed. After that, an afternoon nap, and tonight, some REAL food. Rib-sticking brown bean soup with country ham, fried taters, corn bread, and kale greens. It's all rainy and yucky outside, so we're holed up here eating like swine and watching the tube.

Very nice. Relaxing. Nobody is in jail, nobody's getting married, nobody is ill, the dog can walk, and my boss is in Florida. Life is pretty good!

Subluxation of the blahblahblah

2006-09-20T11:03:00.000-05:00

I'll make this short: Cooper, the Pom, is in a bad way. Cooper has subluxation of the patella. This means his knee dislocates easily. He (we thought) had learned how not to aggravate his leg (its a rear leg). Normally, when it happens, he simply walks it back into place. This isn't happening this time. Well, maybe it is, but his ligaments got stretched way too far and it keeps slipping back out. This is VERY painful. He yelps and it makes one want to cry. He's a teeny lil dog, and just a wonderful little guy, so any positive thoughts anyone had to spare, please send 'em here. If his leg does not heal, I'll have no choice but to put him down as I cannot see him in this much pain. That means Alex will be in pain.

It ain't easy being me

2006-09-16T05:44:00.000-05:00

There have been a few times in my life where I wished I could be a different sort of person. I've always been very straight-forward, and even if I do say so myself, I've always been a very strong woman. I'm also tenacious and quite bull-headed when I feel in my heart something is very right or very wrong. When it comes to my kids, you 'could stand me up at the gates of Hell and I won't back down' (that's a Tom Petty song, yall).

I'm having an issue at work. I work for the Kentucky State Police, in the sex offender unit. I track convicted sex offenders using computers and other law enforcement agencies. My boss has been with the KSP for over 30 years. She's very old-school when it comes to how her underlings are supposed to act. THAT is where the issue stems from. I have never, ever said anything disrespectful to her, ever. I have never failed to accomplish any goal she set before me, ever. But I'm left with this feeling that she just does not like me. Not one time has she ever told me I did a job well. I see her in the morning, bid her a good morning and she just stares at me. Sometimes its more of a glare, and I just don't know why. My gut instinct tells me it is because I have never been able to master the art of being demure. Let me break it down: I simply am not ever going to be the woman who sucks up to people. And, I really, REALLY wish I could do that. Life sure would be simpler if I could. I think my boss sees me as disrespectful or a threat because I'm not the one who is going to go get her a cup of coffee and point out to her that I used that hazelnut creamer she likes so well. I also don't have the best of poker faces. When she comes in with 'that attitude', my voice is saying "yes, I'll get right on it" but my whole body is screaming "you are being a *expletitive deleted*" and I think it shows. I have NO idea how to cover that up, and I'm not so sure I WANT to. I feel like there's room on the rock for all types of people, and a good supervisor will know how to get the best out of employees regardless, and without making them feel like less than they are. I've about bitten my tongue in half, and I've been reduced to keeping the faith that this woman will retire soon.

In other news.....

PJ is working at Topy. He works 12-hour shifts, 3 days one week, 4 the next. And he works nights. That can change at any second. He's spending the weekend as a guest of the Fayette County Dentention Center, serving out the last two days of a 4-day sentence. He is supposed to work every other weekend, so he told his boss he 'had to go out of town this weekend'. Ergo, he works next weekend. Any week with no new charges is a good week. This was a good week.

We've not heard from Michael. That'll change. It always does.

Alex is fine. Alex and I had a rare 'come to Jesus prayer meeting' last week. That's what my grandmother called it when a parent had a rather vocal disagreement with a child. I only require 4 things of Alex: Be respectful, stay out of trouble, keep your grades up, and do your chores. He didn't do his chores again, which made him disrespectful, which means he was in trouble. 3 out of 4 rates you the afore-mentioned prayer meeting. One thing that gets under my skin with a quickness is "repeat offenses". I dislike having the same discussions. I figure that once is enough, yanno? So, when I have to have the same discussion with a child 4 or 5 times, I get highly annoyed.

I am fine. Alex is spending the night with his dad, Johnny is at work, and I have the house all to myself. That is rare. I'm sitting here in a ratty bath robe and drinking wicked strong coffee and playing around on the internet. And doing little else. The hardest thing I plan on doing today is my hair. I dye my hair, because I just am not ready for the salt and pepper look. My hair is now only about 4 inches off my waist so here in about 45 minutes and two boxes of Clairol later, I'll be just another red-headed spitfire again. It takes a certain kind of woman to wear red hair. I feel I am just such a female :)

Over and out! Have a great weekend, yall!

ELEVEN!

2006-09-14T04:24:00.000-05:00

Congrats are in order to my oldest brother, Mike, on the birth of his new son, Eli. Not Elijah. Just Eli. Born yesterday in Austin, Texas. This is his 3rd son, no girls. Sounds familiar.

Eli is #11. To explain, my Mamaw, had she lived a bit longer, would be celebrating the birth of her 11th great-gandchild. Every single one of them are boys. Even the step-greats have all been male. Mamaw had two sons, then her first 3 grandchildren were boys. Then she got me :). I was her and Papw's 40th wedding anniversary gift. That explains why as a child, I wanted for NOTHING. Most kids want a pony. I got that, along with boots to match the new bridle and saddle. Mamaw didn't make those, however (har har har). I wanted a 'roof on my bed' (at 4, I didn't know the word canopy). I got a whole bedroom suite with a full-sized canopy bed. My mother painted my bedroom pink. HATED it. So, Papaw painted it pale lavender. My point is, no matter what my parents might have been doing, I had 4 of the most awesome humans God ever created in the shadows making sure I was okay. Mamaw has been gone for 3 years now, and I miss her still. I console myself knowing that I'll see her again, and I can now talk to her any time I want or need to.

I named Alex after my 'godfather' and my other grandfather (Alexander Joseph). I didn't name him after Papaw Britton because his name was Rufus, and that, frankly, would make my child hate me later. I know this because Daddy gave me my middle name-its Gay. No, really-that's not an opinion. THAT is my given middle name at birth. I'm glad I didn't have girls, either because the family names there are Shelby, Gladys, and Beatrice. Those 3 names are also why I don't mind my name THAT much, even if I do think it sounds like Chinese food when you say it.

Why am I rambling on about names? Well, #11 was named Eli because they live in Austin, Texas and my brother got tired of the locals calling him Miquel. And, because nobody else in the Britton family has that name. That's also why Alex has the name HE has-nobody in the family had used it yet. There are 4 Michaels, 2 Douglas, and two Paul's, but only ONE Alex :)

I'm happy for my brother. He finally found happiness. And I am SO glad he'll be the one dealing with 'all that'. I'm 41 and Alex wears me out. I can't imagine doing this in my 60's.

With that, I am off to shower. I am going to get my car tagged and insured this morning, then I am off to the personnel cabinet to get on the register for a few positions with the state. Everyone have a wonderful day!

Mr. and Mrs. MCV

2006-09-10T11:24:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if Blogger is going to work as I tried to upload these pics last night.

The first picture is of my hunky daddy and Michael. The man is almost 69 years old, and still works 60 hour weeks because he WANTS to. And he always looks so spiffy! He smiled and looked at me when we were getting out of his van and said "Cheer up-you know this family's favorite tune is The Wedding March". For that to be funny, you'd have to know that between my parents, my oldest brother and myself, and now with Michael, we have an even dozen marriages between us.

The second picture is of the ring exchange. All I'm going to say here is its a good thing purple is my favorite color.

The third is of That Amazing Alex and his father, Paul. He's very proud of the peach fuzz on his upper lip. I personally think it looks like dirt, but that's only because I'm his mom and in denial about his age (and thus, my own age).

Lastly, we have my first-born in his last moments of being a single man. I was standing there with the camera taking this one and THAT was when I was having all those mom thoughts. No offense to anyone, but you'd have to be a mom to understand.

I behaved. It was a chore. They put me between Daddy and Paul. I'm only guessing as to why. Daddy grabbed my arm when they got to the objection part, and squeezed it REAL hard. My mother didn't show up.

Its done. And so am I. Its been a rouggh week so I'm going to go nap all day like a garden slug.

If its not one thing,

2006-09-07T12:57:00.000-05:00

Its my mother!

I am sick.

I am sick enough to where I broke down and went to the doctor. $120 in opinions and medication later, I'm sitting here feeling like crap. There comes a point where one passes "I don't feel well" and goes head-first into "I feel craptastic", and I am there. I have a sinus infection, and because of severe allergies to antibiotics, mine costs. A LOT.

In other news....

My oldest son is getting married Saturday. There is a great big wad of animosity between Michael and myself, and even more with my mother. She'll be there, too. It is almost amusing how I got roped into it. Allow me to preface the following with a few facts: 1) I am a daddy's girl. I KNOW my daddy hung the moon 2) My daddy has a certain presence. Very commanding. He can still say my first and middle name together and I find myself, at 41, wincing and hoping the spanking doesn't hurt too much and lastly 3) both of my parents haven't been in the same room together since Michael graduated in 2001-and even then, she was on one side of the civic center and he was on the other and they didn't speak. Before that, the last time they spoke was right before PJ was born. PJ is now 22.

The phone rings.

Daddy:Hey, Daughter!
Me: Hi, Daddy!!!! I miss you!
Daddy: Are you going to Michael's wedding?
Me: *wincing, wondering who told him* Hadn't planned on it, no sir
Daddy: Good! Then you can come visit me!
Me: Cool! Where will you be?
Daddy: At Michael's wedding. And don't bother saying it because I don't want to hear it.
Me: But Daddy, I wouldn't know her if she walked through my door right now!
Daddy: *sigh* Julie Gay, I already told you not to try me-she'll be the pregnant one up front in white. You can't miss her

So I am going. Under protest. In case you have not gotten 'it', my oldest son's gf is pregnant. This bothers me. A LOT. The moral issues it involves is bad enough. The fact that my son is literally brain-damaged and in denial about the effects of his head injury bothers me a WHOLE lot. He has never supported himself without help from some member of his family so I fail to see how he is ready to be a father.

Yay, me! I get to go to a wedding that I think is a bad idea (and yes, I know he's old enough so that my opinion means thismuch), and deal with the stress of having both of my 'rents in the same room, along with my ex-husband AND my boyfriend. AND a sinus infection. I'd rather shave a lion's hiney with a dull razor.

PJ doesn't get to go, because he will be in jail. Ayup, sportsfans, now ya know. My middle son has a long history of substance abuse issues. He got caught in Lexington driving on a DUI-suspended license (for the record, he wasn't drunk this time-just driving illegally...again *rolls eyes, sees brain*). For this, they gave him 4 days, which he is to serve on weekends starting this week. I'm REAL happy about that (/sarcasm). Now maybe, in case you were wondering, you can understand why I am so protective and determined where Alex is concerned. I truly don't think I've got it in me to go through all this twice.

The good news: Alex's dad's disability claim was approved. Paul's had 3 heart attacks and is walking around with a defib in his chest to keep the 4 stents company. It is safe to say Paul can no longer work. What this means to Alex is a check every month. I've not gotten child support in a very long time so even though the amount is almost laughable, at least it is more than what I have been getting.

The meds are kicking in, so little Miss Ray O' Sunshine here is going to bed. I'd say I'm sorry for my attitude, but I meant every word I said. I know God will get me through this. My faith in Him is unshakable. That doesn't mean I have to look forward to it.

Prayer request

2006-08-28T05:30:00.000-05:00

I have a very dear friend named Jason. Jason lives in Bloomington, Indiana. He works for an ISP in Martinsville, IN. For years now, Jason has been kind enough to donate time and server space for e-mail, web sites, pictures, and all manner of computer data. He's not doing that now because the company he works for burned to the ground late Saturday night into early Sunday morning.

NOBODY was hurt in the fire. That's the good news. The bad news is this is a small, family-owned company. Jason will not know until later this week if he even has a job. Jason and his wife Stacey have 2 small children and a mortgage. There aren't a whole lot of jobs in the IT field in central Indiana. Please pray for this family. They were struggling before, and this fire is a catastrophe.

I am old and tired

2006-08-26T05:36:00.000-05:00

Whew....what a tiring few weeks. I don't recall getting Michael and PJ started in high school being this exausting. I think maybe, since I had 4 sons to raise at the time, that I was too tired to remember.

Alex is wonderful, though. After some of the really crummy things that happened to him downtown, I tend to be paranoid, but all signs point to positive things so far. He has a math teacher that somehow this week, made algebra make sense to him. He's excited about that. His auto shop teacher had him scraping down the paint booth, and even then, Alex was willing to 'serve his time' doing the icky jobs so he can have the chance to learn stuff. Alex's two passions have always been books and cars. Maybe Tooz can remember Alex always keeping a few Hot Wheels in his desk. He still has most of his collection. He would get a new Hot Wheel/Matchbox car, bring it to me, and ask me all about it. My job was to have something to tell him about each car (this means I've been doing automotive research for THAT long). What I didn't know until years later is he absorbed everything I said.

Alex is in his room with his friend, Kris. Kris spent the night with Alex last night. Alex has very few friends. I have danced the dance with a few school psychologists (sp?) over his lack of being a social butterfly. Alex is not antisocial. Alex is asocial. Alex has always been very bright. After a certain point, when you're dealing with a g/t child, they bypass their peers. This puts the gifted child in the position of having to dumb himself down. That is sooooo tedious, and Alex has been raised to not do that. It may annoy school admin when they are 12, but when they are 16 and have to decide whether or not to follow the other lemmings off the cliff, I feel my child will probably make a better decision. He is much happier (and healthier) with his own company than he would be cultivating friendships with people not on his level or with questionable morals and ethics. *I* am much happier, too. Kris is a great kid. I've known him since birth, because he is the oldest son of one of my old-school homegirls. When he and Alex are in a room together, the cumulative IQ is over 300. He is gifted, to the point of being captain of the academic team. It is weird because its like they have this language only they understand. I will also go on and say that when Kris leaves my house, I don't feel a need to count the silver. To all the detractors, I want to ask THEM if they ever invited Zack or Tory into their homes to hang out with their own kids. And left their wallets on the table.

I am tired and my arms hurt. I spent most of this week doing data entry for another unit at the KSP, because they were behind. I now know I could never do that for a living. My problems are I have worsening arthritis in my hands. My fingers are already beginning to become gnarled and bent. And, I am left-handed. Doing a lot of numerical data entry is very hard for me because I don't own a left-handed keyboard. And, I am dyslexic. I read quite well. My issue is reproducing what I read or hear. NEVER ask me for directions. Still, I managed over 7 THOUSAND keystokes an hour. Having to do that in an ill-fitting chair, with no wrist pads (I likened it to being handed a screwdriver and being told to go rebuild an engine) has made my forearms and hands ache. Ibuprofen is our friend. I also think that most every law enforcement officer in this state failed penmanship class. Try being a left-handed arthritic dyslexic and deciphering what they've written on citations. This probably sounds horrible, but I'd much rather deal with sex offenders than that.

To my friend, Tooz: You're lucky that you had daughters to train you how to deal with granddaughters. Jaden is a girly girl. It confuses this mind, that has spent 24 years dealing with a developing male psyche. True story: Paul and I were standing at the nursery window, shoulder to shoulder, gazing at Jaden. She was 15 minutes old. Neither of us was saying much. I'd look up at him, then down at the baby. He'd look down at me (Paul is 6'3". I am not 6'3") and then back at Jaden. Finally, he said what we both were thinking: "I think it's missing some parts". That made it into her memory book.

You can only be young once

2006-08-21T16:01:00.000-05:00

But you can always be immature

-Dave Berry

I played hooky for half a day. I got the notice in the mail about Alex and I having to be in court today on Friday afternoon. After speaking to one of the county attorneys, and explaining that I wouldn't force Alex onto the stand, the notice began looking more and more like a get out of jail free card. So...we did. At 11:30, I left my job, told my boss I wouldn't be back until tomorrow, and went to the high school. I collected my rather surprised spawn, and we went to Sonic for lunch, then to the game farm to eat it. We were going to go through the wildlife center and walking paths but those are closed on Mondays. It was a fabulous day. It wasn't too hot outside, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and Alex and I spent the entire afternoon together talking and laughing.

I do not know what became of the court case, and I don't plan on putting forth any effort finding out. If they need me, they'll find me. I can say that I spent a wonderful day with my son, and likely created memories we'll both carry forever. I have a loving, caring, intelligent, morally up-standing young man for a son. That's more than I can say for some folks. I decided last week to give this one to God, and for once, I didn't try to take it back. I highly recommend this as a method for dealing with whatever causes you to worry. Its working beautifully so far!

That which does not kill us

2006-08-20T18:22:00.000-05:00

Only delays the inevitable.

I tend to have a rather acidic sense of humor, so that amuses me.

I've been so busy lately. Alex began high school Wednesday. I feel I handled it very well. I drove him up to the side entrance, told him he was a big boy and he could walk the rest of the way, and to get out. He smiled and did just that. I drove off, and about 500 feet down the road, I began to snuffle. When he began school years ago, it didn't bother me because I was only up a flight of steps and down a corridor away from him. This bothered me. I can say with surety that I didn't worry nearly as much as I would have had I been dropping him off at Frankfort High.

As Tooz knows, last November on the way home from school at SSS, Alex was badly beaten. So badly that they had to surgically remove his teeth from the roof of his mouth and re-insert them into his gums and broken bones in his mouth, and wire it all together. The excuse these thugs gave for it was that Alex had called them the N word. If you knew me, or knew my son ay tall, you'd know how dishonest and ludicrous that is. I'll also tell you that this attack took place a block and a half away from the city police station, in broad daylight. It left me with a sour taste in my mouth for the juvenile justice system, the city police, and most especially, the administration for the school district (like I really needed any more reasons to not like THEM). This week, 9 months after the fact, the second of the two boys goes to trial for 2nd degree assault. I will not be making Alex testify. I feel that placing him on the stand eyeball to eyeball with the boy will not in any way serve my son's best interest, and speaking for me, my job is to advocate for my child, period. What I'd like for anyone that reads this is to pray for those two boys. What happened to my son was absolutely horrible, but Alex is fine. They performed a dental miracle and were able to save his teeth. He harbors no bitterness which is another miracle. But....Alex is blessed. He has two parents that while divorced, absolutely adore him and have worked doggedly to instill faith and morals in him. He is surrounded by an extended network of people that keep what is best for him top of mind and love him to bits. Those two boys? They aren't so blessed. Unless God steps in, they don't have much of a future. So....I am asking one and all to ask God to step in. Those two boys don't have a prayer without it.

SOS

2006-08-05T04:29:00.000-05:00

First, and foremost, I need help. Anyone wanna tutor a dyslexic in the joys of Excel and MS Word? For all I know about computers, I know almost zilch about those two programs. I'm going to the library to look for Office XP for Dummies. I figger I qualify. I know some about Word and that covers my knowledge of MS Office products.

This week as hectic. My life gets that way a lot. I've been called a drama momma, but its not like I seek drama out. It finds me, even when I hide. Therefor, I am a drama magnet. Yeah...that's the ticket.

On Wednesday, I nearly set a bag of popcorn on fire. At work. I was popping light popcorn, which at home takes 2 and a half minutes. At work, after too minutes, smoke was literally pouring out of the bag. Yesterday, the oven still smelled like burnt stuff. I was mortified.

Thursday, I dropped Alex off at his high school (gulp!). Freshman orientation was Thursday evening. It made me snuffle a bit. I've already been here, but this is my last trip. I watched my baby, who is taller now than quite a few adults, shuffle through the doors of HIGH SCHOOL. Tooz, I SO wish you taught high school. I'd feel so much better if you were still there wherever he was. I'm just glad you didn't retire until after he left SSS. I shudder to think what might have happened if they didn't think there was another pair of eyes watching the boy. Thank you always for that!

Alex is still excited about school. They are allowing him to go on and take the vo-tech courses in automotive technology. That means he'll be able to tune up a car and fix a dent long before he'll even have a permit. I'm not sure that's a good thing(/sarcasm).

PJ? Well....PJ keeps me close to God and prayerful. Same thing with Michael. I've memorized Philipians 1:6. Those two make me hold my breath a lot.

Que is fine. She's slowly returning to her old self. I'm thinking perhaps one reason she's been so subdued is because she's no longer a hormonal shekitty. Another thing could be because when they do assembly line surgery like that, they tend to give all the animals the same thing. Que is tiny. I have a feeling they gave her a tad too much 'stuff' because she was walking sideways for 2 full days.

I'm concerned about Johnny. Keep him on your prayer lists. He's been losing weight hand over fist and he looks gaunt. His doctors don't know why. I suspect its his teeth. He really, REALLY needs dental work. The good news there is he didn't lose any this time when he went in. Some part of it is due to what he does for a living. Johnny works for a road construction/paving company. Imagine what it might be like to work in 95 degree heat with 325 degree asphalt.

Paul seems to be doing well with his defib device. Its funky, because you can feel this thing under his skin.

I've been homesick for Pensacola more and more. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about that yet. I do think I need to go back, if nothing else so that I can say goodbye. I haven't done that, and I'm not sure I'll be saying goodbye to the place. I love my job, like my house, and adore my bf. However, it still does not feel like home. Pensacola feels like home to me.

/post

Poor kitty...poorer owners

2006-07-30T07:59:00.000-05:00

As previously stated, we have 4 pets: 2 dogs, 2 cats. The cats are Max, a slender-deficient male Alex adopted from the Humane Society 4 years ago, and Que (kew), a white kitten some jerk dumped out near Johnny's house. We weren't sure until recently if Que was male or female. Now we know its a shekitty.

Yesterday, the county humane society had a spay-a-thon. They spay one cat from a household for free, if the cat/kitten had the shots legally required. Well...I am po. I'm not able to pay for cat shots when I can't afford people shots. The shots only cost $15, so for $15, they examined her, spayed her, and gave her a rabies shot. Quite a deal. You go down, sign up a month prior, pay the money, and then, on Spay Day, you drop them off at the pound and pick them up that afternoon. We took her down there, and when we picked her up, the people working that day were almost rude. THEN they quit playing around and went on and became REALLY rude. First, one shouts in a tone that raised an eyebrow, "YALL GET IN A SINGLE LINE LIKE YA DID THIS MORNING!!". I was never IN a line that morning, but whatever. As we got to the head of this line, the workers were saying "all the cats we spayed today were either pregnant or in heat, and the vet normally charges an extra $25, but all she wants for this is a donation". Yanno...for people that used the service, they used it because they could not AFFORD to take their cats/kittens to a vet. I looked around at the other pet owners and suddenly, a group of people who were feeling pretty good about giving a homeless creature a place to live AND doing what they could to prevent other homeless pets all looked ashamed of their financial situations. THAT stinks. I, right now, have exactly $13 to last me a week. I looked the woman in the eye and said "I'm sorry if my kitten caused your vet any difficulty, but my first responsibility is to feed my child, then my pets. I'll be glad, however, to donate my time to your organization or to the vet to raise funds". THAT was when it got icky. This woman drew me aside and said "that won't feed the vet". I saw a brand new Range Rover in the parking lot. These are pricey English SUVs. I pointed to it and said, and frankly, my voice was a tad louder than it needed to be, "Somehow, I don't think this vet will do without supper tonight. If I give you any money, that won't be the case later this week at my house-then I'll have to dump not just this cat, but another one AND two dogs on yall-have a nice day". As I was walking away, I saw a young woman with what looked to be about a 5 year-old girl. She said "unless they take food stamp cards, I ain't got nothing to give 'em". People around her began to mumble agreement and understanding. The workers? If looks could kill, I wouldn't be here right now. If I didn't think it would discourage what is in theory a wonderful program, I would begin another one of my letter-writing campaigns. I think that sort of emotional manipulation is dirty, and just mean. I've been thinking it over, though. I'm a put up or shut up type of gal. I'm going to volunteer down there. And, I'm going to see what I can do to raise funds for the free spaying of all pets, cats AND dogs. While I'm at it, a program, maybe for seniors, to help defray the cost of vet care of animals already placed in homes is a good idea. People who have never been hungry don't always grasp how depserately hard it can be to strike a balance in priorities.

Que, by the way, is fine. A little worse for the wear, but okay. We 'lost' her in the house last night. Looked for two hours. We noticed Max was stalking the couch, so we looked under it again, only to figure out Que was disgusted with the lot of us and had crawled up on top of the fabric liner under the couch. I ended up cutting the liner up to get to her this morning so I could check her for signs of infection or bleeding. She's not a happy kitty, but she's okay.

I got up early this morning, as I do most mornings. Sundays are a gimme because Alex's paper route goes out in the morning on Sunday. I saw this stack of papers that was way too heavy for him to pack. I know Sunday papers are much bigger, but that was just way too much for anyone to pack a mile down the street on their backs. Add to it that Alex is already prolly genetically predisposed for back problems (both of his parents have had spine surgery). I shrugged and got dressed and drove him around. As is usual, Alex and I end up talking. Alex and I talk a lot. I have the world's best relationship with my child in that way, because he even told me when he got his first kiss. Most boys his age avoid that sort of things with their mothers like a disease. Anyway, we both decided we liked living in Florida better. I don't know if that will go anywhere, but I can't lie and say if given the right set of circumstances, I wouldn't think about it. I didn't move back here because I wanted to. I simply had no place else to go. And with the lack of education on my part, I see now that I needed to back up and punt, so as to speak. It did not help matters to find out the position I held at McD's there pays as much as I make now here.

I'm outtie. Hope everyone had a good weekend!

The Joys of Truancy

2006-07-24T07:27:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and simply decided before I could even go potty that this wasn't going to be a day I worked. I don't know why I get that way sometimes, but on this day, I'm taking a 'mental health day'. I love my job. I enjoy adventures. However, at the end of it all, I prefer to be right here, wherever 'here' is at the time. I think today I'll do pet maintenance. Dog claws need to be trimmed, and Bella has turned into The Mad Shedder. Little white puffs of love are rolling across the floor like tumbleweeds. I ordered some Frontline spray off the net for $28. This counts because to buy the little tubes of Frontline for all 4 pets would cost me about $160. You can use Frontline spray on both cats and dogs, and it lasts as long and works as well. With Bella, I have to work it into her coat, but for $130 in savings, I can do that.

I finally cleaned the two rooms in this house that have carpet Saturday. Those are the bedrooms Alex and I sleep in. I never got the chance to do that before we moved in, and it was gross. Nasty-fied funky gross. I had beige carpet that looked like old Gateway boxes. Four passes with a Rug Doctor and I was still pulling up brown water. My shoulders and lower back aren't nearly as happy with clean carpet as my eyes and nose are, though.

We had Johnny's mom over for Sunday dinner yesterday. I'm ashamed of it, but she's only been here one other time. Miss Nancy, as we call her, is an incredible person. I enjoy talking with her. She was the secretary at Bald Knob School for many years, and has many interesting stories. We part ways on our opinions on a certain principal she had as a boss some time before I did, but by then, her kids were grown. She never had to deal with him on the same playing field I was forced to. Dinner was one of my best ever. We had Cornish hens, skillet-fried corn, wilted salad, mashed potatoes, and green beans simmered with diced country ham. Miss Nancy grew up in Stoney Creek. That's an area 'way out yonder' in Bald Knob. She's lived in the same house for over 40 years, and hasn't lived anywhere else BUT Bald Knob, ever. She really seemed to enjoy country food she didn't have to cook.

Alex is driving me nuts. I think they should outlaw male body hair. Why? Because when boys start sprouting body hair, they can behave like ill-bred apes raised in a cave. I have this pet peeve with teeth-sucking. You know-when a kid rolls their eyes, and and then make this sucking noise with their mouths. I distinctly recall doing that ONE time to my grandmother and like a reflex, my mouth met with the back of her hand. Never did it to her again, either. After what we've been through with Alex's mouth (that which comes out of said mouth, and the things that are SUPPOSED to stay in it), I'm not about to do that. Besides, he's tall enough now that I'd have to jump up to do it. He did that teeth-sucking thing to me yesterday. I wasn't looking in a mirror at the time, so I dunno, but I'm told a very scary look came across my face. My voice dropped a few octaves and I said "do that again, and I will let you know fat meat's greasy". Alex is a great guy, don't get me wrong. I can jam the internet with a dissertation on the ways I'm blessed with Alex. But, Alex is nearly 15. Its been my experience that this is when the road to adulthood is rockiest for kids and parents alike. His peers have more influence on him than ever before. I'm still his best friend, but I never have been and never intend to be his buddy. Its my humble opinion that this is the time in a child's life where a parent must maintain authority. You can't have authority without respect. *makes mental note to inquire of my father as to when he did that parental mind meld thing, because that sounds like it came out of HIS mouth*

*sigh* 45 minutes later, and I'm only done brushing half of one large, furry dog. I have a pile of hair in the floor that, no lie, is bigger than the Pom. I'll post a pic of it when I'm done.

And now, to get done. Have a great week, yall.

P.S. I'm done brushing ONE dog. The pic up top is Cooper sitting next to the pile of fur I brushed out of Bella.

Fishers of men

2006-07-16T12:32:00.000-05:00

Don't try this at home, folks. I'm telling this story not because I'm proud of it, but because 25 years later, my family still laughs about it. Mamaw laughed, too. And if MAMAW smiled, it was all coolness.

As I've said previously, I grew up mostly in the Nazarene church. I spent time at Good Shepherd with Papaw O'Connell here, but mostly at Glen Road Church of the Nazarene in Dayton, Ohio. Over the years they changed it to Grace Church of the Nazarene. Now, it's Shelter Community Church of the Nazarene. It seemed huge to me as a child but I doubt it would seem to now. Mamaw and papaw worked very hard to help build that church. Papaw always took care of the grounds, and Mamaw did everything else, from fund-raising to teaching Sunday school, to singing in the choir. If the doors were open, we were walking through them.

As is the case most times, there was a center aisle, with pews on either side. The pulpit was at the end of the aisle, with the choir risers behind that. Behind the risers was a large (big enough to look like a back yard pool to a kid) baptistry.

I have been facsinated by water most of my life. One day, it became my downfall. Papaw was cutting grass outside and we were only allowed inside upstairs near the sanctuary because that's where the bathrooms were. I went inside to potty, and the draw of that big pool-looking thing was more than I could resist. It had faucets that looked like any tub's would, and the same type of drain. So...I stopped it up and turned the water on. At that exact same moment (ain't it always the way?), I heard Papaw hollering for me, and I ran off and left it running. Papaw had to leave suddenly. My heart sank. The fear of flooding the church didn't seem nearly as bad to me as incurring Papaw's wrath. Papaw would tell Mamaw, and Mamaw would tell Daddy and Daddy would not spare the rod. So, I said nothing.

Reverend Daws showed up at the church very shortly after the tub had filled and began running over. The damage was contained to the choir risers and the area where the pulpit was. It did ruin several bibles, but other than mopping up, that was all the damage there was. Mamaw shook her head and was kind about it. My punishment would be cleaning the baptistry. Rev. Daws was amused, and the next morning at church, to explain the use of large fans in the background, said "We had flood of biblical proportions yesterday which almost really made our choir fishers of men", and then looked at me and smiled.

Mamaw never told on me, either. Or if she did, she told Daddy not to get after me for it.

Its things like this that make me a believer in that mother curse, too.

H2O and diets

2006-07-14T10:56:00.000-05:00

Just a quick diet tip: Drinking water is always important, but even moreso when dieting. Not only does it help with giving one a feeling of fullness, but sometimes, low-grade thirst is misconstrued by the body as hunger.

Not a good day. The a/c is broken at work. Try getting anything done when you're sitting in a sauna with 1 half-dozen other cranky females. I hate the competition.

Back to the grindstone. Have a cool afternoon, yall.

I don't skinny-dip

2006-07-12T17:06:00.000-05:00

I chunky-dunk. Today begins *insert the voice of Don Pardo in an echo chamber* THE DIET.

I've not always looked like I do now. About 10 years ago, I weighed 255 pounds. That's NOT a typo, gang. That's two hundred fifty-five POUNDS. I'm only 5'1". I remember seeing myself in a mirror on New Year's Eve and seeing the fact that I had no neck, and lost half my body weight. The trauma of my last marriage/divorce and raising 4 kids (my ex had a son he had custody of that lived with us) and working full time and yadda yadda, along with my lost of self-control, has caused me to gain a lot of it back. Today is the day. I don't aspire to be waifishly thin. I just want to regain the feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. I'm not there anymore.

In other news....

It saddens me, but Bella has gotten to the point that I am contemplating her journey across the Rainbow Bridge. I've said for a long time that when her life is no longer a pleasure to her, then I would have her put down. This dog helped me raise 3 kids. Alex has no memory of her not being there. She's very loved. She's having difficulty standing, and the 3 steps into the house have almost caused her a terrible slipping injury more than a few times. She's in pain a lot, and as of the last few weeks, she will sort of whimper when she's lying still. When the time comes, I intend to have a vet come to my house to have her put to sleep in her own yard, so there is no trauma. She's been Alex's shadow for most of her 15 years (long story how she came to us), and I insist that her passing be calm and respectful of her place in our family.

Cooper? Gosh, he's cute. He's the Pom. He was supposed to replace MY Pom, but HE decided that Alex was his human from the first time he came in my house. They are great little dogs, but not with small kids. Alex says he's a chick magnet because girls love cute little frou frou dogs. Cooper freaks out when Alex leaves. Seriously FREAKS out. He sits in the big window in the living room and screams. For real, ear-piercing shrill screams when Alex leaves the house, and he's even worse when Alex is outside where the dog can see him. So tell me-how much fun will Alex have trying to find student housing at EKU with his groupies? *grin*

Speaking of Alex, he's attempting to con his grandmother into giving him another one of my cast-offs. It's a '78 Dodge Magnum. He thinks he's going to restore it in shop class. I remembered something his grandmother told me years ago about his father. Curtiss (my ex-MIL, and Paul's mom). She was told she was nuts for co-signing for Paul's Camaro (a sha-weeeeeet '69 Z28 with the original 302-which GM DID make that year, but whatever). She told me she thought it was a POS car. It was. She said she did it because she figured Paul would spend more time and money working on it than driving like an idiot. She was right. He only drove HER cars like an idiot. But anyways.....I will agree that he can begin working on this car, but only if its in MY name. If I'm going to have all the responsibility, I demand all the say-so. Alex is excited. *I* feel a familiar sense of dread.

I'm off to eat rabbit food. Joy.

Zion's Hill

2006-07-09T09:56:00.000-05:00

This is driving me nuts.

I was raised in the Nazarene church. THAT isn't whats driving me nuts, though.

I was blessed to have the world's best grandparents. My paternal grandparents, Gladys and Pete Britton (Mamaw and Papaw), lived in Dayton, in a brownstone duplex near downtown. They lived on one side, and my uncle, his wife Anne, and my 3 cousins (Dougie, Jon, and Robin) lived in the other. It was always the coolest place-always crawling with kids, always something going on. We'd make snow cream in the winter, ice cream in the summer, and there was always at least 3 different kinds of Kool-Aid in the fridge.

Random childhood memory: The time I decided to fill the baptistry at Glenn Road Church of the Nazarene and go for a swim

Moving right along, Mamaw sang in the church choir. Mamaw sang everywhere. We could be on the 3rd floor of the duplex and hear her singing hymns as she cooked or washed dishes. My voice carries, and I feel sure I got that from her.

One hymn I always loved was Zion's Hill. I don't know why, but I loved how it soared. I finally, just this morning, found the lyrics. What I don't have is the music, or preferably, any recorded version of this song. If anyone can find same, please let me know. I'll give you my firstborn for it :)

On Zion’s Hill
There waits for me a glad tomorrow,Where gates of pearl swing open wide;And when I’ve passed this vale of sorrow,I’ll dwell upon the other side.
Someday beyond the reach of mortal ken,Someday, God only knows just where and whenThe wheels of mortal life will all stand stillAnd I will go to dwell on Zion’s Hill.
Someday I’ll hear the angels singingBeyond the shadows of the tombAnd all the bells of heaven ringingWhile saints are singing “Home Sweet Home”
Someday my labours will be ended And all my wand’rings will be o’erAnd all earth’s broken ties be mended,And I shall sigh and weep no more.
Someday the dark clouds will be rifted And all night of gloom be pastAnd all life’s burdens will be liftedThe day of rest shall dawn at last.

*sigh* I can still hear her. And smell Sunday dinner.

Compassionate friends

2006-07-08T10:52:00.000-05:00

I have more than one friend named Susan. This morning, I went and spent time with my 'other' friend, Susan.

I've known this Susan since 1979, when she moved here from the mountains of Eastern Kentucky and I moved here from the skyscrapers of Dayton, Ohio. She and I were both newbies in a very clique-ish school, and we sort of united against a common enemy. Susan and I used to get into a lot of mischief together, and I normally got the blame. That didn't bother me then. Doesn't bother me now, either. I never FORCED Susan to hide under the bleachers at Elkhorn with me while I snuck a whoopie cushion under Big Robbie's big behind (it didn't go 'splat'. It went BOOM, and exploded under the guy, and the teachers thought it was a bomb). My point is, as strong as I may be, I could never hold a candle to the woman Susan became.

After 9th grade, Susan moved the the west side of town and went to Western Hills. We lost touch for a few years. I got married and began a family. It was during my post-partem doctor's visit after PJ was born that we reconnected. Susan was there with her mother (who was never a big fan of mine), and she was VERY pregnant. I was surprised, at her condition and at seeing her again. We exchanged phone numbers and we began hanging out again. Shortly thereafter, she gave birth to a gorgeous, tow-headed little boy she named Christopher. He was a sweet, loving, hold-me baby. He was born on October 20th. PJ was born August 20th (Alex was born December 20th, which made it easier for Susan and I later on).

As our respective families matured, Susan managed to raise her son by herself, put herself through nursing school, and lived her life. Somethimes, there were spaces of time when we didn't speak often, but we always knew the other was there. When Chris was in 2nd grade, Susan was working 2nd shift at a nursing home, and Chris stayed with me a lot. I was to Susan what my other friend Susan became to me and Alex. I stood guard over him at SSS, because some of his teachers and a few of his classmates weren't exactly kind to him. He was like one of my own kids for a long time.

After Paul's father passed away in '94, we moved back to Pensacola (I've lived there 3 times). In doing so, it meant not being there for Susan and Chris, but at the time, it is what was best for Paul and the boys, so off we went. We eventually moved back, and I'd see Susan from time to time. She finally met a great guy, and had gotten married, and her husband adopted Chris (Chris's biodad elected to never gaze upon his son's face). 16 years after Chris's birth, Susan was pregnant with a very loved, very wanted little girl. She was content, and life was beautiful for her, and she earned that.

Then, on June 21st 2001, in her 7th month, the police knocked on her door very late one night. Chris and two of his friends had gone to Silver Lake, a neighborhood across the street from Franklin County High School, to visits chicks. Teen-aged boys are like that, and they are also prone to taking what they think is the path of least reistance. When it was time to head home, the shortest route back to Georgetown Road was to swim across Silver Lake (I grew up calling it Black's Pond, but as always, I digress). Chris was not a strong swimmer, but jumped in anyway. His shoes were coming off, so he climbed out, tied his laces, and jumped back in. Noone is clear as to why, but he didn't surface. His friends began to panic and swam back, and began searching for him. By the time they located him, it was too late. Chris had drowned. Susan, in her condition, drove to the hospital and began a journey that will never end.

Today, the Frankfort chapter of Compassionate Friends had a dedication ceremony for a Children's Memory Garden located at a park here. There is a brick walkway, and Chris has his own brick, with his name on it. The friends that were with him that night came. There were too many parents of lost children there. Chris's baby sister, named Catherine Christine, was running around laughing. Susan and I stood shoulder-to-shoulder, united again against a common enemy. She is an amazing woman. People always said *I* was the strong one. Not true. She did the hardest thing a mother could ever do, did it pregnant, and lived to tell the tale. We cried some. Laughed some. Held each other up some. Did a little more healing.

I apologize to anyone reading this that was expecting to read something uplifting. I don't have the words to do that today. Nor do I have the time. I am going, right NOW, to hunt down my kids, and tell them I love them, and thank God in heaven that I can. I'll be back later to ask favors of everyone I know. I'm working on a plan (program may be a better word) to prevent this from happening to anybody else's child, and I'll need help.

Stay prayerful,
Julie

Jesus can drive the car

2006-07-01T05:41:00.000-05:00

There have been a few times when I thought I felt like Jesus must have on the cross. I felt as though God had forsaken me. The one time that comes to mind was when I finally got to my oldest son after his accident. When I got word that Michael had been injured, I was almost in South Dakota. I had left the day before to go visit various friends and to see the Black Hills and Mt. Rushmore (a treat I gave to myself-a break from my family..or so I thought). I had just gotten to my first stop, and the next morning, Paul called to tell me. After 3 hours of sleep, I drove all the way back to Pensacola. I don't remember parts of that trip. I see now that was when Jesus had taken the wheel (maybe Jesus liked Mercurys...I dunno)

After Michael was transferred to rehab, and began coming out of his coma, I began to see the other patients and their families. Michael was fortunate enough to have access the the very best in health care. The rehab he was in was a specialized head injury rehab. Everyone there had a brain injury, and most were in much worse shape than my son. There was Suzie. Suzie had been beaten up in her home by somebody who used weight-lifting dumbbells to crush her skull. She had a metal plate one could see because they had shaved all her blonde hair off. And Tony, a very sweet young man that was left blind by his head injury. There was Dwayne, who was injured when he was in a Jeep that rolled over-he was brain AND spinal cord injured. My son may have issues, but he can see, and walk, and hear and feel.

The second my son's head hit the highway, our lives changed forever. That moment became our definition of 'bad'. So far, as bad as my life may have gotten, it has never been as bad as it was the day I walked in and saw my little boy on life support. Michael is living proof that there is a God, He is merciful, He has a plan, and He loves me. He loves me SO much that He gave his son-and He gave me Michael twice.

I will be 41 tomorrow (I won't be 39.95 +tax until next year, Jenn-I'm a geek, too). I don't lament being 41. I finally have a decent home here. I struggle every day, but at the end of my day, I always seem to have managed to maintain a home and feed my son. I have a small circle of close friends, all of them having a strength that amazes me. I have 3 healthy children. I have a healthy granddaughter and another one on the way (surprise, Tooz-this time its Michael-maybe he'll give me a grandboy). I finally have a man in my life that loves me just as I am. Johnny doesn't shower me with jewelry. He does stuff like scrape all the money he's got together to go buy paint for my kitchen. You should see it. I asked for pale yellow. What I got was Big Bird yellow. I'm looking at it now and smiling. Its bright-true dat. But every time I see it, its proof that he loves me. And, proof that He loves me.

I'm going to go begin my day, and methinks I'm going to let the dirty dishes sit there (isn't it wonderful how patient housework can be? It'll wait forEVAH), and go enjoy the deck Alex and Johnny built for me before the heat of the day sets in. If anyone happens by to read this, lift your eyes heavenward, and thank Him for your blessings, too.

Because Tooz asked

2006-06-30T04:50:00.000-05:00

Another short 'maternal moment':

As stated previously, after my last divorce, Alex and I moved back to Pensacola. After a few weeks, Michael followed us down there. It was Christmastime, and Paul had come down to visit with Alex.

Michael and I had gone to Wal-Mart to finish up getting gifts for Alex. They had bikes out, for cheap. Alex's bike was very worn, so Michael and I went halfsies on one. The parking lot was packed, and the only place we'd found to park was along the perimeter in the very back. As is the case in every Wal-Mart, there was a few greeters by the door. Pensacola has a large Philipino population, and there was this tiny little woman with a thick tagalog accent working as a greeter. After we finally got through the check-out (wandering through Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve made me identify with Moses wandering through the desert), getting the bike back to Michael's car became a concern. So, Michael hops on, and begins riding toward the door. People began to stare. I'm sorta used to people staring at me and/or my kids, but I digress. Michael gets as far as the second set of doors and the little Phillipino lady stops him and in her accent says "You cannot ride bike through store!". Michael held up his hand like he was directing traffic and said "NO SPEAKIE DA ENGLISH". People began to make a path for him, the automatic doors opened as if he made them, and he rode out the door. The lady was saying something-loudly-that I didn't understand, and prolly don't want to understand. The whole time, Michael had that kaka-eating grin on his face, and he just kept on going until he got to the car. Brat didn't even wait on me. I looked at the lady and just shrugged.

In other news....

I am being laid off. Not for long, but for at least a week. Why? Because I work at the KSP through Adecco (temp service). The contract Adecco has with the state expires today. The new contract has been approved but not signed. I can't work without a contract. The good news is, Sunday is my birthday. I'll be 39.95 plus shipping and handling. I wouldn't be working Tuesday anyhow. So, I get a week off to spend with my kid. I'm going to spend my mornings at the state personnel department testing for state employment and my afternoons browning my big arse (because as my friend Jane says, brown fat looks ever so much better than fishbelly white fat).

Alex is excited about high school. He walked over there to drop off orientation papers and it was all he could talk about. That'll last 3 days, 4 max. It feels strange to walk in there for me. I was expelled from there (yes, kicked out for a whole year, gentle readers). For truancy. Here's yer sign. My crime? I didn't go to school. My punishment? I didn't have to go! He's excited about his auto classes. This year he took automotive technology and autobody repair. He finally gets a chance to put all this knowledge he's been collecting to use. I just hope he can keep a lid on his propensity to correct his teachers. Last year, at SSS, his teacher said something about a jury deciding punishment. Juries only recommend punishment-judges order it, however. Alex pointed that out. In the middle of class. Mr. No-name-no-sense-either wasn't pleased.

Time to go hunt, track, and otherwise make the lives of pedophiles unpleasant.

The joys of motherhood

2006-06-21T17:36:00.000-05:00

I've decided to make this post about some of my 'moments' as a mother. I find most of them amusing. You, gentle readers, may not understand WHY I find some of the funny, but...eh. It's my party and I'll cry if I wanna. All of them are true.

1. I get this call from a school the oldest two attended in Florida. It was the principal (that became a common theme for me). She asked me why Michael was there that day. I said "Um, because he' a student and school is in session, Mrs. Parker?". "Ma'am, Michael was suspended for fighting yesterday. He shouldn't be here." I liked this lady. She was always very kind and respectful to parents and students. She was bemused because Michael had asked her if they could just 'handle it between him and her', without involving his mother. Anyways, I asked her to not tell Michael that I knew, and she agreed, and also agreed to let him stay for the rest of that day. Michael came home that afternoon. He said nothing to me. I said nothing about it to him. When it came time to leave for school the next day, PJ walked out, followed-almost-by Michael. I grabbed him by the sleeve and said "No, no, my child. YOU will be spending the next 3 days in Mommy School". If you could have seen the look on his face. Priceless.

2. I went into a department store with PJ right after Alex was born (this made PJ 7 at the time). As is the case in most department stores, this one had a wall of those toy vending machines-the kind that dispense cheap jewelry, stickers, and the like. I had just enough money with me to make the purchase I'd come in to make, and warned PJ that there would be NO toy-buying. PJ didn't listen to me then any more than he does right now. I was in line at the check-out, and PJ strolled up, giving me those big, sorrowful dark green eyes of his. He looked me right in the eye, acting as if he never saw me before in his life, said "Lady, do you have any money for a little boy who doesn't have any?" I gave him the Evil Mom Eye and said "Get out of here before I beat you". Big mistake. I didn't see the very well-dressed and dripping diamonds little old lady behind me, who immediately snorted disgust. I turned around and she's eye-balling me like I was the earthly embodiment of Lucifer (another common theme, but I digress) She looked at my son as she was pulling change from her Aigner change purse, handed PJ 4 quarters, and said "Here you go honey-I'll help you". PJ grinned, said "Thanks! See, Mom-it works!". The cashier laughed so hard she snarked. The little old lady turned a shade of red I don't think I've ever seen on a senior citizen. I said nothing, paid for my item, and walked out.

3. Alex was 2-ish. We had gome out to a BBQ place for supper. Alex has always had a fascination for people in uniforms, especially law enforcement officers. While we were there, a sheriff's deputy walked in. This LEO was a member of the county sheriff's canine unit. Alex instantly was transfixed, and stared unblinking at the gentleman. I got up, went over to the deputy, and explained about Alex, and that we'd like to begin teaching him that 'policemen are our friends' (if you knew this family's history with law enforcement, you'd understand why that statement is a tad ludicrous). He was a friendly, amenable type of fellow, and followed me back to our table. He sticks out his hand and introduces himself, and he's looking down at my son all smiling and stuff. Then he said it....spelled as it sounded out of the mouth of a 2 y/o.."Mitter, you got a boogie up dair". The cop looked at me, confused. I began looking for the way out of there. Paul hid his face, and the oldest two demon spawn began to choke from trying not to guffaw. Alex repeated himself, and added "You need to go to da bafwoom, and git dat outcher nose. Dats what my mommy does to me". I managed to squeek out a thank you to the guy just before Michael and PJ, now in tears, began to bellow. For the first time ever, I was so embarassed that I stood back up, and walked out, leaving them all there.

These are some reasons that I don't get bored, because I never have the opportunity. I've always lived an interesting life. Here's more proof-and the reason I believe that I am exactly where God wants me to be: www.heroicstories.com/angel.html

Yall come back now...ya hear?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

2006-06-18T09:45:00.000-05:00

I have writer's block. I sat down here with googobs of amusing anecdotes which have suddenly taken flight. This is why I don't write for a living.

I think I'll begin by introducing the people in my life. That will make anyone who happens by the journal to understand a bit better what I'm talking about.

Michael- my oldest son. Michael was injured almost 10 years ago in a horrid bike accident. He was struck from behind by a minivan, launched off his bicycle, and landed on the side of his head. This induced a severe head injury. This left Michael with 'issues'. He's not retarded. He's not comatose. But he does have issues.

PJ-my middle son. PJ is the one who has kept me prayerful and humble before God. He is extreme in that there are no shades of gray with PJ. It always seems to be really really good, or really, really bad. He is father to my first and only so far granddaughter, Jaden.

Alex-the youngest. Odd. I just sad here looking at the screen trying to decide what to say about this one. He is my joy. He is also ditzy. He has, and sometimes at the SAME time, a big heart and a lazy arse. Everything I've been through since my last marriage went kaput, he went through with me. We're very close. I just LIKE him. We find ourselves hanging out together not because I'm trying to be parental, but because we just LIKE each other. A great blessing.

Johnny-my boyfriend. I met Johnny through the boy who was my first love. Johnny was his best friend. We remained friends long after that. After Hurricane Ivan chased Alex and I back out of Pensacola, I went to work at the McD's up here. I'd not seen Johnny in years. One morning he came through to get a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle, and we began talking, then seeing each other. He makes me everything-mad, amused, hopeful, relaxed, stressed-you name it. He instills it. Which, knowing myself as I do, is probably how it should be. His mother says we're cut from the same cloth.

Jaden Madison-my granddaughter. She's lovely. Huge blue eyes, gorgeous red hair. Very spoiled. Very loved. The reason I bought the first Barbie Doll I've ever bought. Still wish they made pink Hot Wheels, tho.

Paul-husband 1 AND 2, and the father of my sons. I met Paul as a teenaged runaway hitch-hiking down the road. No lie. Nice guy. So was Goober. I have no issues with Paul. He truly loves his sons, and we seem to be able to co-parent better than any other divorced couple we know.

Cooper-the male Pom. Alex's dog. Cute as he can be. Drives me nuts.

Bella-the aged grande dam Norwegian Elkhound. Alex's companion/protector so long he really doesn't recall her not being there. She's nearly 15 now, so while she's not crossing the Rainbow Bridge, she is walking next to the creek.

Max-humongous mass of feline fat. Seriously. He's this blondish yellow tiger-striped cat that weights over 15 lbs. The Supreme Hunter. A bluejay's worst nightmare. Lizards quiver in fear at the mere mention of his name.

Que-sex undetermined. The last kitten I had was given to me as a female. Then one day I noticed 'those'. Que was given to me by Johnny. She was dumped out in the country. She's solid white with green eyes. She's not blind or deaf. She is, however, generally prone to causing a ruckus. Notice I said 'she'. Still none of 'those'....yet. Que because she always must be first in line and she is truly white like a cue ball or a Q-Tip. And her first name isn't 'Fah'.

The last 4 are what I've come to call "Alex's groupies". They are all here because of him.

I have 4 loads of laundry to complete. More later.

2006-06-17T05:35:00.000-05:00

I have a blog elsewhere, but it was used more as a tool to assist me in my recovery from the most acrimonious divorce EVAH. I've grown tremendously since then, and I felt like it was time to begin a journal. For the record, the word 'blog' chafes my posterior. f you are SO lazy you can't type 3 more letters, then in my humble opinion, you need to give up and go home cuz yer just too lazy to play.

To further introduce myself, my name is Julie. Those close to me call me Jewls. I'm 40, and turning 41 in 2 weeks. I have 3 sons ages 23, 21, and 14. Their names, in order of appearance, are Michael (NOT 'Mike'), PJ, and Alex. I have a 10 month-old granddaughter named Jaden. The best way I know to describe her is she's nothing like MY mamaw. She's very much like HER mamaw. I'm divorced for the third and final time, living in Kentucky after a few natural disasters ran me out of Florida, and I work for a law enforcement agency in Kentucky after too many years of cooking professionally.

Things I like: almost anything purple (even have a car that's purple), crawfish etoufee, steak cooked medium rare, lilacs, yellow roses, traveling, any saltwater coast, my divorce attorney, cars (they are a passion for me), my boyfriend, spending time with Alex, and finding humor in the worst of situations.

Things I dislike: Frankfort Independant Schools (yeah...I went there), my last mother-in-law, carrots, menthol cigarettes, people who are mean to animals and children, people who interrupt, people who attempt to control me, people who wander all over the road while on a cellphone (makes me grit my teeth so hard my jaw hurts), working in the yard (I am NOT outdoorsy), and kids who don't wear bike helmets.

Words to describe me: tenacious, irreverant, loud, overweight, loyal, obnoxious, organized, direct, straightforward, daring, stubborn, intelligent, witty, intimidating, short, and loving.

Let the games begin